Thoughts on a Tuesday Afternoon in December

Fiḍál (Grace), 18 Qawl (Speech), 170 BE - Tuesday, December 10, 2013 about 3:51 pm Pacific Standard Time

Suddenly I want to cry,
I sigh,
I don't know why I want to cry.

This afternoon, I feel so alone. I'm still living in Mom's house wondering where I'll go when the sale of the house closes. I haven't heard from any of the waiting lists I'm on. Maybe I won't hear from them (at least, that's the thought going through my mind). I have to take some sort of action, but I don't know what .

I have bills to pay and I don't have the money to pay them. I may be without power after December 16 and I'm frightened. I have enough money to pay the power bill, but that will leave me short when it comes to the water bill and the car insurance. I don't know where the money for the car insurance will come from after I pay the power bill.

I'm so tired of worrying about bills. I'm so tired of being lonely. It's chilly in the house because I keep the thermostat down so low, but it doesn't seem to make any difference in the power bill. I just don't know what to do, except to write. Writing sometimes helps or at least it used to help me find a way to solve my difficulties.

Another thing that helps is prayer. I've been saying prayers off and on all day. They help when I'm saying them because then I don't want to cry. I'm rambling in this entry and that isn't any way to make a blog entry, but I don't know what else to do because I've started typing and I can't seem to stop. I think I'll close this entry and make me another cup of hot tea with a pepper mint candy cane in it.