End of the Month Blues

13 Asma 164 B.E. - August 31, 2007 about 9:43 PM PDT

I'm not sure what's been wrong with me all day. I've felt sort of sad or down. Not that I'm unhappy, but just a little blue. It's probably because it's the end of the month and almost the end of 2007. I feel like I'm floating in circles and getting nowhere fast.

I run out of laundry detergent today, so I went to the store. I got detergent, trash bags, toilet paper, bleach, red and green salsa, barbecue sauce, Arizona ice tea, and beef patties. Earlier today after we picked up Mom's meds we went to KFC and got their 10 piece meal. I'm going to put the barbecue sauce on the chicken that is left and let it marinate. I cooked rice yesterday, I'll put the salsa in the rice.

Maybe I'm blue because the only time I've been out to eat in the past month is to get a KFC meal deal. I'd really like a prime rib with raw horseradish, baked potato with butter and sour cream and a nice salad.

Mom and I went to the poetry reading on Tuesday, I'm thinking we'll go to the Labor Day open mic next Tuesday. There is a feast at the Baha'i center on Friday evening, so I won't go to the First Friday reading in the Art's district this month. I'll have to check October's calender, but I think the First Friday in October is open (unless something comes up) so I'll go to the reading then.

I could also be blue because this hasn't been a productive day. However, tomorrow will be different. Saturday, September 1, is recyclable day in my neighborhood, so I'm going to take the recyclables out. I'm not sure that I'll get everything out, but I'll get most of the recyclables out this week. There are three recyclable days in September, so that should let me get all that stuff out of the garage.

I'm going to attempt to get most of the laundry done tomorrow. The washing machine isn't level so I have to stand by against it when it goes through the spin cycle or it moves and I have to push it back into position. Pushing the washer isn't good for my back and standing by it while it's spinning gives me a chance to meditate. I don't think I have all that many loads, so it shouldn't take a long time to do. While I'm waiting for the cloths to wash I can clean off the kitchen counter, wash the microwave out or do the dishes.

I suppose doing laundry and dishes is productive, but I'd like to be doing something else. I'd prefer to write or read. I still have to find a decent mop. I'm working with sponge mops right now and I don't like them, but their all we have around the house. I really didn't know how much I didn't like them until I started doing all the floors with Mom being sick and unable to do them. I don't know how she worked with a sponge mop. I'm probably going to end up on my hands and knees scrubbing floors.

Scrubbing floors on my hands and knees is a spiritual experience. However, my right knee bothers me worse than usual when I do that. I haven't discussed it with a doctor because I have other health problems that are more important. The knee normally only bothers me if I walk over a mile or something like that.

Giant Spider Web

12 Asma 164 B.E. - August 30, 2007 about 9:30 PM PDT

I'm afraid of spiders. I have an unnatural fear of spiders. I have arachnophobia. So why do I have to read every news story about spiders? Is it my subconscious desire to overcome this fear? I'm not sure, I just know that if there is a story about spiders I have to check it out. I also have the desire to see movies about spiders. I'm not sure this is normal for someone with arachnophobia.

The giant spider web in Texas caught my eye. OK, so where else would there be a giant spider web. Texas is a giant state, not as large as Alaska mind you, but it's a giant state. I can remember when Texas was the largest state in the union. Then they made Alaska a state, but it didn't deflate Texas' ego. Before I go on with this, I'd better say I'm not from Texas I'm from Oklahoma.

Back to the spider web, I've never heard of a web that big before. I'd like to see it, it sounds interesting and frightening. I've seen some unusual scifi movies about spiders. I've read Lord of the Rings, which has giant spiders and giant spider webs in it. The movies and the stories about spiders don't seem to effect me. However, seeing spider is an entirely different thing. They send chills up my spine. Dreaming about spiders is always an indication of fear for me or at least it used to be. I haven't dreamed about them in a while. Lately my fear dreams haven't had anything to do with spiders. Check the story out, you can click on the title of this entry and it will take you to the story.

The interesting thing about my fear dreams is that I usually recite the Remover of Difficulties in the dream when I'm afraid. The Remover of Difficulties was reveal by the Bab, Baha'u'llah's forerunner. Since I read the story about the giant web I'm interested in what I'll dream tonight when I finally do go to bed. I wonder how I could use that giant web in a story or poem?

Laundry Day

5 Asma 164 B.E. - August 24, 2007

When I was growing up my Grandma Newland did laundry once a week. Laundry day for her was on Saturday. She did "the washing," as she called it, for all of us mom, her and Grandpa, and four grandchildren. Every week she'd go to the laundry room, which my Grandfather had built, and wash the cloths. Grandma would do a load, then hang it out while the next load was washing. For most of that time she used a washing machine that had a wringer attached to get the water out of the cloths before rinsing or hanging them out.

For me, laundry day is every day. I have an automatic washer and dryer. I wash the cloths and then put them in the dryer. In fact, right now I'm drying a load of sheets. When they're done, then I'll go put another load into the washer. I suppose I could put a load in while I'm drying, but the washer would be finished before the cloths in the dryer are dry. Besides my washing machine isn't level and in the spin cycle it moves.

What this means is that I have to move the machine back into position before starting another load. Alternately, I can lean on the machine in the spin cycle and keep it from moving. I've started doing the later lately. It's a lot easier on my back if I do it this way, then move the washer back into position. Yes, I know there is a way to take care of that. I'll do that as soon as I can, in the mean time this is how it's being done.

There are only two people in this house hold, myself and my mother. I do laundry every day. If I skip a day I get behind on the laundry. As it is I'm going to have to go into the linen closet and straighten it up. Mom when into the hospital in March and the linen closet hasn't been straight since. We've got lots of sheets and pillow cases, I just didn't get anything put back into the shelves properly. I think the only solution is to take everything out (sheets, pillow cases and towels) and put them all back in again.

I enjoy doing laundry. I even enjoy standing at the washing machine during the spin cycle. The vibration of the washer is very relaxing. I can stand and meditate on a scripture verse or review a prayer I'm memorizing while the cloths are spinning. It's a very spiritual experience.

Scrubbing Floors on my Hands & Knees

2 Asma 164 B.E. - August 21, 2007 about 7:30 PM PDT

I've really got to start making my blog entries earlier in the day. It's somewhere around sunset in Las Vegas, which means it's probably closer to 3 Asma then 2 Asma. However, I'm not changing the date.

I scrubbed part of the floor on my hands and knees yesterday evening (August 20) at the time I was crying while I did it. OK, I've found myself in tears a lot lately. I think I'm under way too much stress or I'm letting things get to me. Anyway I found an old wash rag, that's not what my Grandmother used she had a brush especially for scrubbing floors. One uses what they have and the sponge mop wasn't doing the job I wanted it to, so I had to get on my hands and knees to do the job. I wasn't crying because I of scrubbing the floor that way.

The reason I was crying is really unimportant. What is important is that I think I like scrubbing floors, especially tile floors on my hands and knees. I know that sounds weird, but there is something calming and almost spiritual about scrubbing floors on your hands and knees.

Feast of Asma

1 Asma 164 B.E. - August 20, 2007

I haven't posted in this blog in a while, mainly because I couldn't find the time. Part of the problem was the way I composed my posts. I wrote them in Word, then copied and pasted to the blog. I'm changing that, now I type directly into the blog. Fortunately this blog has spell check so my creative spelling will be detected and changed. I do have other problems such as a tendency to use the passive voice. I'll have to work on that.

The Feast of Asma (Names) was held at the Baha'i Center in Las Vegas last night. The Feast was wonderful, spiritual and beautiful. My mother couldn't go because she's in Vegas Valley Rehab right now. I'm not sure how long she'll be there. I have to take her walker tomorrow to see if I can handle her at home. She's been in and out of the hospital and rehab since March of this year. Hopefully she'll be home to attend the next feast at the center.


I haven't been going out much because of gas prices. I did go the the Antique Road Show on Saturday, August 18, it was held at the Las Vegas Convention Center next to the Hilton Hotel. I took two items my mother's cast iron Saint Bernard coin bank and a slide rule. Both items were appraised at more that I expected. I think I'll sell the slide rule, but the coin bank will go to one of my nieces or nephews.

Why I Wrote a Personal Mission Statement

16 Kamal 164 B.E. – August 15, 2007 at 8:42:33 PM PDT

I have to admit that I’ve been a bit lackadaisical in keeping this blog updated. There are many excuses I could use, but I’m not going to use any of them. The reason I’m not using excuses is the title of this blog “A Butterfly Emerges from Her Cocoon”. Everything that has occurred to me in the past eight or nine months, which have prevented me from updating this blog, have taught me something about myself.

In fact, I’ve learned more about myself since December 24, 2006, when I turned 60 then the past 59 years taught me. I’ve learned that I don’t like to procrastinate and that I usually do it out of fear. I’ve learned that I feel guilty if I don’t write, just as I feel guilty if I don’t pray everyday. I’ve learned that if I have to do something I don’t like (such as house work), I have to approach it from a different angle. For some odd reason I can’t wash dishes or mop the floor because it is necessary, I have to find a spiritual approach to the job.

Maybe it’s the mystic in me, I don’t know. What I do know is that I can’t go on the way I’ve been going. True I’ve slowly changed since becoming a Baha’i over 20 years ago, but since December 2006 the urgency to transform and emerge from my cocoon has increased. I’ve found myself questioning why I do or don’t do something. I’m looking at events in my childhood and youth that still effect my actions today.

It’s not that I blame anyone else for the way my life turned out. After a certain age, a person has to take responsibility for her own actions and emotions. It’s just that certain past events in my life determine, or perhaps I should say influence, the way I react today. The problem is I don’t like some of my reactions, so I have to change them. The only way I can see to change the way I react to daily events and disappointments is to take a spiritual approach.

The only way I can see to take a spiritual approach to the events of life is to place my trust in God through His latest messenger Baha’u’llah. Therefore, I’ve written a personal mission statement, which covers nine general goals.

Personal Mission Statement

Goal 1: I live each day worry free by placing my whole trust in God through Baha’u’llah.

Goal 2: I develop spirituality by daily prayer, meditation, scripture reading, and chanting.

Goal 3: I succeed in achieving my goals by turning roadblocks into opportunities.

Goal 4: I gain financial independence by using my talents creatively.

Goal 5: I gain self-knowledge by journaling.

Goal 6: I make each day better than the day before by changing, at least, one thing in my physical environment that makes me uncomfortable.

Goal 7: I make myself a better person by replacing each bad habit with a good habit.

Goal 8: I solve my problems by prayer, meditation and then following my initiation concerning the solution.

Goal 9: I replace my negative self-talk by memorizing an appropriate prayer or verse of scripture.

Doing the Chores

12 Kamal 164 B.E. – August 12, 2007

Lately I’m doing a lot of housework and it’s gotten me to thinking about my Grandmother. She enjoyed housework much more than I do, but she never did call it housework. Instead, my Grandmother referred to it as “doing the chores”. However, it didn’t seem like housework was a chore to her.

I remember when we were small she would let us help her with the dishes or making the beds. Grandma was very talented when it come to making beds. She could do hospital corners perfectly. I’m not that talented, I never was. I don’t think she ever got me to do hospital corners the way she could do them and she tried.

Another thing my grandma didn’t use was a sponge mop. I can understand why, at least most of the time. I did find a sponge mop on the patio that works OK. I’m not saying it’s good at getting up spills and stuff like that first time, but at least it doesn’t leave the floor streaked. However, my grandmother never used a sponge mop. She used a rag mop. She would take an old towel or something like that, put in on the end of a mop, and use that on the floor. She would wring it out by hand. She did that for years, even when arthritis made it difficult for her to wring it out, she still used the rag mop. Of course, her arthritis didn’t appear very bad or she didn’t complain about it.

Another thing my grandmother did, when she couldn’t sleep at night she would get up and vacuum the floors. Not that her floors were very dirty, still she would get up a vacuum. Sometimes she would vacuum every night if she couldn’t sleep. I on the other hand don’t vacuum at night, what I do is get up and go online.

I do have to admit one thing, I’m enjoying housework a lot more than I used to. I’m still not overjoyed about doing dishes by hand, but I do like to do laundry. I’ve found myself enjoying watching the washing machine fill with water lately, before I put the cloths in. I even found myself enjoying mopping the hall this morning, maybe it was because the sponge mop I found on the patio worked better than the others did. It could also be I’ve found myself taking a more spiritual approach to housework lately.

I’m not doing the housework or “the chores” for myself anymore. I’m doing them for Baha’u’llah. While I do “the chores” I review scripture verses I’ve learned. It’s an intriguing approach to a job that I’ve always found tedious, but I don’t find it that way any more.