The Changes in my Life: Watching the Summer Olympics

Fidál (Grace), 19 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Tuesday, July 31, 2012 about 6:10 PM Pacific Time

Many things have changed in my life since the last summer Olympics. Mom has Alzheimer’s disease and does not want to watch the Olympic Games with me. At least, I think the issue is the Alzheimer’s disease. I always enjoyed watching the Olympic Games with Mom and Mom used to enjoy watching me.

I have not watched the Olympic Games much this year. I did not watch the opening ceremonies and when Mom watched with me, we always sit on the couch and watch the opening ceremonies. The few competitions I have watched I do not enjoy the way I used to when Mom watched them with me. I will attempt watching them again on Wednesday, but it just is not the same. I miss watching them with Mom.

This experience got me to thinking about some of the things Mom and I used to do together. I missed the things Mom and I enjoyed, but I am not sure I want to do them without her. I know the reason Mom acts the way she does. I know that she will only get worse and I want to cry because I miss the woman that my mother used to be. Maybe I need to focus more on the things Mom enjoys now. Maybe I need to find activities that I can enjoy by myself.

After a long and sleepless night in Las Vegas

Jamál (Beauty), 17 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Sunday, July 29, 2012 about 10:36 AM Pacific Time

After a long and sleepless night, a peanut butter sandwich, and two cups of leftover coffee warmed up in the microwave, I am finally functioning. I spent part of the night attempting to convince Mom that we could not leave the house in the middle of the night. Mom was restless and had dreams about going some place. I do not know where she wanted to go because she would not tell me.

I am not sure Mom knew where she wanted to go; she just knew she wanted to go somewhere. I gave her a pill about midnight to calm her down. After Mom went to sleep, then I had to deal with my own problems. I ate something yesterday that did not agree with me and I am not sure precisely what it was. I am going to have to begin keeping a food diary. At least that way I will know what foods are causing my stomach problems.

A food diary may not change the way I eat, but it will give me an idea of the foods I have to eat less regularly. I doubt that I stop eating the food I like, not matter what issues they cause, but I will know why my stomach acts up and I am in pain. Of course, the problem could be something other then food, so the next time I see my doctor I will take a list of the symptoms, with me to the doctor. Perhaps I should also keep a list of my emotions and stress events as well.

Thankful Thursday July 26, 2012 in Las Vegas

Istijlál (Majesty), 14 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Thursday, July 26, 2012 about 11:30 PM Pacific Time

It is Thankful Thursday again and time to list ten things I am grateful to have or experience. It has been a long and somewhat depressing week. Some days were cloudy with temperatures in the double digits and some days were sunny with temperatures in the triple digits. This may be part of the reason for my depression; I know it caused my allergies to act up.

Today I am grateful for

1. the few spoons I have left in the silverware drawer
2. having more then one coffee cup in the house
3. writing.com
4. the beautiful blue sky I can see out of my living room window
5. a clean garage to drive my car into
6. the Las Vegas Review-Journal
7. spaghetti with meat sauce (even canned meat sauce)
8. Mom slept through the night without any dreams waking her up
9. Cox Cable and an internet connection
10. a working washing machine in the house

Those are the thinks I am thankful for this week. I will have a different list next week. All though I suspect something concerning coffee will make the list. This is because coffee is a constant in my life. I am always grateful to have hot coffee, ice coffee, or café mocha. In fact, I think I will post this and then make me a hot cup of café mocha. Ever since I figured out how to make café mocha at home, I do not have to worry about going to a coffee shop to purchase it; the only thing I have to make sure I have is hot coco mix and coffee.

Spaghetti with meat sauce

‘Idál (Justice), 13 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Wednesday, July 25, 2012 about 5:25 PM Pacific Time

I fixed a batch of spaghetti with meat sauce today. It was spaghetti sauce from a can, but it tasted all right for a quick meal. I did not feel like making the meat sauce from scratch even if I had all the ingredients. Normally, I prefer my spaghetti sauce either homemade or from a jar.

The jars of spaghetti sauce taste better then the sauce from a can; however, I did not have any jars of spaghetti sauce in the pantry. The cans of spaghetti sauce gifts, so I used those today. I fixed enough spaghetti to last us until Saturday or Sunday (I hope), so I had to use two cans of the sauce to flavor the amount of spaghetti I cooked.

I am looking forward to having spaghetti for lunch tomorrow with a salad and maybe some iced tea or iced coffee. Fortunately, with the spaghetti all I have to do is warm it over in the microwave and add a little grated cheese. I have a grater and I can grate the cheese manually. Once the cheese and spaghetti are heated, it will taste good. I do not need very much to eat for lunch on Thursday, just something to keep me from getting hungry. Maybe I will fix me the same meal for Friday.

It must be the Weather in Las Vegas

Fidál (Grace), 12 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Tuesday, July 24, 2012 about 5:25 PM Pacific Time

I am not feeling like myself today. I do not want to do anything except remain home and do nothing. It took at least four cups of coffee this morning plus a bowl of cereal with milk and sugar. I was not hunger the rest of the day, but I still did not want to do anything. It must be the weather.

The temperature rose into the triple digits before the monsoonal moister and clouds rolled in. The temperature went back down into the double digits with high humidity, clouds, and wind. My allegories are acting up and I just want to be lazy; however, I did get some work accomplished this morning.

This morning I washed four sheets and hung them over chairs to dry. Then I washed my hair, but I do not think that made me feel better. My hair looks better, so I should be feeling better. I am not. I do not know what I am going to eat this evening because I am not hungry. I feel tired, not sleepy so I do not want to lye down. I do not want to watch television either. The only other things for me to do are wash clothes, surf the web, or write.

Sometime I wonder: Thoughts about Alzheimer’s disease

Kamál (Perfection), 11 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Monday, July 23, 2012 about 4:20 PM Pacific Time

Sometimes, when I am talking to Mom I wonder what she is talking about; this afternoon for instance. Mom came home and she was in a grumpy mood. She ask why she was locked in. However, she was in her wheelchair and was unlocked. She could have been referring to the way we secure the wheelchair we when she is in the van. She could have been referring to something that happened in her childhood. She could have been referring to a dream or an illusion. I have no idea.

Sometimes, I wonder if Mom thinks she is talking to me (her daughter) or to her mother. I know that sometimes, especially when she wakes up from a bad dream she thinks I am her mother. When Mom needs something in the middle of the night, she usually calls me by my name. There are times, when she does call for her mother and when I go into her bedroom to see what she wants, she acts as if I am her mother.

The Alzheimer’s disease is the problem. She does not remember that her parents are dead. She still wants to see them. Another thing is that Mom does not realize where she is living. Sometimes, she asks when she is going home. There is no use informing her that she is home because Mom insists otherwise. At these times, I just tell her tomorrow. Mom forgets she ask the question and the next day she is worried about something else.

Stressful Sunday: My Last Weekend Entry

Jamál (Beauty), 10 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Sunday, July 22, 2012 about 4:15 PM Pacific Time

This butterfly wants to go back into her cocoon. Weekends have become extremely stressful and I find it difficult to write without going into a rant. Therefore, unless I can find another solution, this will be my last weekend entry. In fact, I am considering not going online at all on the weekends.

I will make blog entries Monday through Friday, but skip the entries on Saturday and Sunday because I cannot focus on writing. The only things I have focused on today were taking care of Mom, cooking, and washing dishes. I still have several things to accomplish before going to bed tonight. I am tired and I cannot take a nap this afternoon.

I do not have any help with Mom on the weekends and focusing on anything except taking care of Mom is too stressful. Therefore, something has to go, therefore, it is the weekend blog entries and getting online on Saturday and Sunday. If I do post anything on the weekends, it will be links to intriguing websites or pictures, but nothing else and those posting may occur at midnight when I cannot sleep because of a stressful day. If I cannot sleep then I usually sit down at the computer and write or surf the web.

The clouds are rolling into Las Vegas

Jalál (Glory), 9 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Saturday, July 21, 2012 about 4:15 PM Pacific Time

The clouds are rolling into Las Vegas. I have not been outside since I rolled the trashcan back to the garage after the garbage trucks picked up the trash this morning. I know the humidity is up because I can see the clouds, but I do not know how much humidity or how high the temperatures. I have not been watching the local news today or the weather channel. Today I am watching CNN or MSNBC. Right now, I am watching CNN.

I am not ready to write why I am watch CNN or anything about what happened in Colorado. I am still attempting to process the information. Eventually, I will be able to process what I am hearing and then I will write something about. It will either be a blog entry or a poem; probably a poem, but for now I am focusing on the news, the local weather, and what to fix Mom for dinner. I know that is an odd reaction, but if I let myself focus completely on the shooting in Colorado I will cry, which is something I cannot let myself do in front of my mother.

I am not sure how much Mom will comprehend. If I mention Colorado, Mom is going to worry about my brother and his family. There is no use upsetting Mom about them or anything else in her condition. Mom’s Alzheimer’s disease has affected every aspect of my life. Before I tell her about anything or put the hearing aids in her ears on the weekends, I consider what she may hear on the news. She has her hearing aids in now and the news does not seem to be affecting her, so I do not know how much she understands about what is going on.

Technical Issues: Relearning a skill I forgot

Istijlál (Majesty), 7 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Thursday, July 19, 2012 about 7:30 PM

Perhaps, skill is not the right word in this context, but I am sticking with it. Anyway, for some time now I have been attempting to do a screen capture while using Google Chrome. Despite the fact, that I sometimes have issues with “webpage unresponsive” I like Chrome and I do not want to change to another browser.

I knew how to do a screen capture in my old browser or at least I did when I used it all the time. As I said or implied, we forget what we do not use all the time. When I downloaded Chrome, I had never used it before and I am still learning how to use it. Today, after searching the internet to find the solution, I learned how to perform a screen capture in Google Chrome.

Performing a screen capture in Chrome is easy. You do a shift prt scr and then copy the results into either paint or Word. I still cannot figure out why I thought that using shift prt scr would not work in Chrome. Oh well, I have more important things to worry about now.

The next technical problem I have to solve is the reason my virus scan takes between five and ten hours to check my systems. I will write more about this in a later entry.

Weary Wednesday: Technology and Frustration

‘Idál (Justice), 6 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Wednesday, July 18, 2012 about Sunset Pacific Time

It is Wednesday, I am tired and I am frustrated. I am frustrated with technology. The virus scan took ten hours to scan my system today, which means I accomplished nothing online. I accomplished no writing; however, I can make up some of the writing this evening. At least, I could if my system ran at a decent speed. I am frustrated and I am repeating myself.

The one thing I did accomplish today had nothing to do with writing or working online. I cleaned the fabric softener dispenser in my washing machine. I took the dispenser out of the machine. I put in a bucket of hot water with some laundry detergent and I let it soak while I read my paper. After letting the dispenser soak, I then cleaned the fabric softener gunk out of it. The dispenser is not clean and ready for me to put fabric softener in it again.

I still have to wash out the tub of the washer because I noticed there were some stains, but I think those will come out with a bit of work. I may finish cleaning the washing machine tomorrow. It depends on when I start the virus scan on my computer. Since it took ten hours for the scan to run today, I expect it to take that long tomorrow. Therefore, I will do something else while it is scanning my system.

If I start the virus scan, running tonight at 11:36 PM (this is when it should begin rather then 4:45 AM like it did this morning) then it should be finished by about 9:36 AM. I am not going to count on this, of course, after all I am dealing with technology and outdated technology at that. I can only hope and pray that the scan finishes by 9:36 AM.

A Not Quite so Miserable Monday in Las Vegas

Kamál (Perfection), 4 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Monday, July 16, 2012 about 7:15 PM Pacific Time

It’s Monday afternoon and I’m feeling better. I’m not as nauseous as I was on Sunday. I’m still a little weak from not eating anything on Sunday, but I didn’t think I could keep any food down so there wasn’t any use in me eating. Mom ate everything I put in front of her on Sunday and most of that was easy to fix or pour out of a box.

It’s Monday afternoon and I don’t want to fall asleep in front of the computer the way I did this morning. After this morning, I’m going to buy me a chair with arms to put in front of the computer, that way if I do fall asleep then I won’t fall out of the chair.

Monday is not quite as miserable as Sunday because I ate a couple of hamburger patties this morning. I’m still a bit thirsty so I think I’ll get me a glass of ice water or maybe a cold soda. I know I don’t want any coffee, not even ice coffee, this afternoon. I’m not sure if I’m fully recovered from my illness, whatever it was, but I’m on my way to recovering.

I used to look forward to Saturday

Jalál (Glory), 2 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Saturday, July 14, 2012 about 9:00 AM Pacific Time

I used to look forward to Saturday. When I was a child, I looked forward to it because it was a nonschool day. It was a day I could spend at my Grandparents’ house, where I could feed the chickens and gather the eggs. In spring and summer, it was a my Grandparents’ took us to the Lake, where we could swim, boat ride and water ski or watch Grandpa water ski.

When I was in the workforce, Saturday was a day off. It was a day I didn’t have to go to work. I could spend Saturday anyway I wanted. I could go to a movie. I could go shopping. I could go out to eat. I could stay home and write. I could sleep late on Saturday morning and stay up late on Saturday night.

I don’t look forward to Saturday any more because it is the same routine every weekend. On Saturday morning, I get up and turn on the computer to make sure the virus scan checks for viruses and other malware. I take my thyroid tablet and then I roll the trashcan to the curb and pick up the morning; today I also took the recyclables to the curb. When I get back into the house, I check the computer to make sure it didn’t go into hibernation while the virus scan is running.

After checking the computer, I check the coffee to see if I have a cup or two leftover from the day before. If I have coffee leftover, I pour a mug and put it in the microwave, but I don’t turn the microwave because by this time I hear Mom either calling my name or crying. This morning she called my name. I get Mom up and begin giving her the morning meds. It is difficult to give Mom all her meds at once because she will not swallow all of them at the same time. I give her the first med and then I get her something to eat. I could go on and on about my mundane, but I won’t because I have to see about Mom and then check a couple of websites.

Today’s Senior Moment in Las Vegas

Istiqlál (Independence), 1 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Friday, July 13, 2012 about 4:20 PM Pacific Time

I had a Senior Moment earlier this afternoon and it scared me. All right, I am 65 and I can expect a Senior Moment now and then. However, this one really shook me up. I was doing a survey and forgot my age. I could remember the year I was born, but not how old I was on my last birthday. I could also remember the date of my last birthday.

Since I needed to know my age for the survey, I used the calculator on my cell phone to figure out my age. I do not think there is anything to worry about now, the momentary memory lose was just a brain hiccup ... an attack of “C.R.S.” I did remember how to use the calculator. I did remember the year I was born (1946). I did remember that my last birthday was December 24, 2011.

I think the best way to handle today’s little memory lapse is not to worry. I doubt that it is an indication of Alzheimer’s disease. It is probably an indication stress or of nothing at all. Everyone has memory lapse now and then. These memory lapses normally do not mean anything except stress. I need to take a deep breath and laugh.

Clouds and humidity in Las Vegas

Istijlál (Majesty), 19 Rahmat (Mercy), 169 BE – Thursday, July 12, 2012 about 7:15 PM Pacific Time

Cooler temperatures

With clouds and humidity

It felt good at first

We have clouds and cooler temperatures in Las Vegas. We have clouds and humidity in Las Vegas. When I first went out this morning it felt nice, not too hot, but after a while, it became muggy. I noticed the humidity more even though the temperature was not over 110.

Midweek Reflections on Care Giving

‘Idál (Justice), 18 Rahmat (Mercy), 169 BE – Wednesday, July 11, 2012 about 11:35 AM Pacific Time

Sometimes I feel so alone. I know I am not alone, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people just like me who are carrying for loved one with Alzheimer’s or some other form of dementia. It is just that on mornings like this, when Mom wants to cry and one or more of her physical medical issues manifest itself, I feel alone and disconnected from humanity. All caregivers encounter this emotion when they feel overwhelmed by their loved one’s mental and physical problems.

Besides short-term memory lose, which goes along with Alzheimer’s disease, Mom is afflicted with emotional or anger issues, Macular degeneration, hearing lose, urinary incontinence, and fecal incontinence. Mom has hearing aids to alleviate some of the hearing lose, but most of the time she objects to wearing them. I put the hearing aids in each morning after her bath and then pray that she keeps them in all day or if she does take them out then they end up in her purse.

Each morning, before it is even time to get her up, I give her a pill to help with the agitation. I have to get her to sit up so that she can take the pill because if I simply put it in her mouth without a drink of water she will spit the pill out. If she spits the pill out then it has no effect upon her moods.

Monday through Friday, Mom goes to an adult daycare center. Monday through Friday, the hospice she sends a C.N.A. to give her a shower (which Mom is not crazy about, but it is necessary). After the shower, the bus from the daycare center picks Mom up and takes her to the center. Mom enjoys going to the center. Mom enjoys herself when she is at the daycare center. Whenever I drop in Mom is having a good time.

A Toasty Tuesday in Las Vegas

Fidál (Grace), 17 Rahmat (Mercy), 169 BE – Tuesday, July 10, 2012 about 7:30 PM Pacific Time

A toasty Tuesday

One hundred fourteen degrees

Extreme heat warning

It is hot in Las Vegas today. The temperatures reach 114 degrees in the shade and there is shade in Las Vegas. There is shade in my garage and that is where I parked my car. There is shade in my yard because I do not have the money to have the pine tree removed.

I did not go out today because I went out yesterday. There was an extreme heat warning yesterday as well. However, since I did not look at the news before I went out I did not know about the warning. It would not have made any difference because I had already made up my mind to go to the Commemoration of the Martyrdom of the Bab.

There is an extreme heat warning for tomorrow as well, but I am not sure whether I am going out of the house. I will have to give that some serious thought, but to do that I have to clean the car out before I have it washed. I think I will clean the car out on Wednesday and then have it washed on Thursday or Friday.

I attended a Holy Day Commemoration today

Kamál (Perfection), 16 Rahmat (Mercy), 169 BE – Monday, July 9, 2012 about 7:15 PM Pacific Time

Today, I attended the Commemoration of the Martyrdom of the Bab. It’s been a long time since I had the opportunity to attend a Holy Day Commemoration or Celebration. It’s been a long time since I attended a nineteen-day Feast. I sat in the audience, took in the spiritual atmosphere, and wrote two poems. I enjoyed the opportunity so much that I didn’t even mind the drive back in the heat.

While I was at the center, I saw some old friends and met some new friends. I’m looking forward to the next opportunity to attend an event at the Las Vegas Baha’i Center. It may be a while because the only time I have to attend anything is Monday through Friday between 9:00 AM and 2:30 PM, but I know the opportunity will eventually come. All I have to do is have a little patience.

Attempting an entry at least every other day

Istiqlál (Independence), 13 Rahmat (Mercy), 169 BE – Friday, July 6, 2012 about 7:30 PM Pacific Time

It is late Friday afternoon. I didn’t make an entry yesterday, so I have to make one today. I am attempting an entry every other day. I would like to make an entry everyday, but “life happens” and sometimes interferes with blog entries.

Yesterday, I went to the wound care hospital so that the doctor could check my left leg. The bandage was removed a couple of weeks ago and the doctor wanted to see how the leg was getting on. I don’t have to go back unless it weeps or another sore occurs. I do have to wear compression-stocking everyday, so I have to go to the medical supply store next week to get another pair. I need an extra pair because it takes several hours for one pair to dry.

Compression stockings

Interesting experiences

At age 65

Making an entry every other day may be better. The entries could be more exciting. The entries could be more interesting. I can plan the entries and that may make the difference between boring and exciting. There has to be another advantage to making entries every other day, but I can’t remember what it is.

Happy 4th of July

‘Idál (Justice), 11 Rahmat (Mercy), 169 BE – Wednesday, July 4, 2012 about 4:40 PM Pacific Time

Fireworks in the sky

It is the Fourth of July

Safe celebration

I wish everyone a Happy Fourth of July and Happy Independence Day.

Mom and I stayed home today. We ate hot hotdogs, watermelon, potato salad, and cherry berry pie with ice cream.

I Remember Life without a cell phone and now I am never without one

Fidál (Grace), 10 Rahmat (Mercy), 169 BE – Tuesday, July 3, 2012 about 7:15 PM Pacific Time

I remember life without a cell phone. I had a watch that I wound everyday. I used an alarm clock to wake me up. I had to wait until I was home to make a phone call or check my voice mail. I remember life without a cell phone, but now I cannot live without one.

I carry my phone with me wherever I go. At home, I wear a dress with a pocket so that I can answer it immediately. Even when I go to get Mom up of a morning, I have my cell phone with me. This is a good thing because if Mom should slip to the floor (I put a “gate” belt around he waist) when I am transferring her from the bed to the wheelchair, I can call the non-emergency number and get paramedics to lift her off the floor.

I even take my cell phone to bed with me. Most of the time I put it on the nightstand near the bed, but not always. Sometimes I wake up and find the cell phone in my right hand because I wake up in the middle of the night and reach for the phone to see what time it is. If I have a dream, then I write the dream in a journal and place the time I woke up at the bottom of the entry. I guess when I lay back down; I don’t put the phone back on the nightstand.

At other times, I hear Mom crying. Then I pick up the cell phone and take it with me when I go to see why she is crying. I never go into Mom’s room without taking the cell phone with me because I may need it to call the hospice that provides in home care, the non-emergency number if I need help getting Mom into bed or the emergency number in case I encounter an intruder. In this case, when I get back to bed, I’m just too tired to put the phone back on the nightstand.

On July 1, 2012 in Las Vegas

Jamál (Beauty), 8 Rahmat (Mercy), 169 BE – Sunday, July 1, 2012 about 3:25 PM Pacific Time

It is July 1, 2012. The year is half over. Mom is home today and she had a difficult time this morning. Mom seems happier this afternoon, but I cannot sit down for more then five or six minutes at a time because she needs something. This is all right when I am composing blog entries or writing stories and poems because I need interruptions at these times. However, it is difficult to make online payments when I am listening for interruptions.

I have to set up the mortgage payment sometime today. I plan on going to the bank and grocery store tomorrow and I am not sure what time I will be back to the house. Therefore, I have to set up the payment today or rather this evening.

The reason I like interruptions when I am writing is that interruptions helps me think when I am working on a story. Sometimes I can be a bit stubborn when I confront a problem with a story and do not want to leave until I solve the issue. The problem with this is that it is better to get away from a story when the plot or the characters give me difficulties. So when Mom is home I try to work on a story, poem, or blog entry rather then doing other things. In addition, my computer is in the living room with Mom.