A Stressful Time of Year

Jamal (Beauty), 15 Qawl (Speech), 171 BE - Sunday, December 7, 2014 about 2:01 pm Pacific Standard Time

Is December just a stressful time of year? I don't remember last December being this rushed or stressful, but then last year I still lived in the house instead of an apartment. I wonder if that could have anything to do with the stress. It could be that I feel the financial crunch more this year then last year.

I don't do Christmas shopping so the only financial issues I have are paying bills that are not holiday related. I feel rushed and when I feel rushed then I stress. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I know that I can't. perhaps the problem today is the need to fax some information on Monday or Tuesday, but the person I need to talk to hasn't called me back.

I think I'll get offline for a little while and do some housework to see if that relieves the stress I'm feeling. I'll also say some prayer because prayer always helps when I'm feeling stressed. I don't know what else to do at this point. I have to do something about the stress because it is interfering with my creativity.

Thought on a Cloudy Tuesday Morning

Fiḍál (Grace), 3 Sulṭán (Sovereignty), 170 BE - Tuesday, January 21, 2014 about 10:14 am Pacific Standard Time

I went to the kidney specialist yesterday, he told me that my kidneys are functioning at about 50% of normal. He also told me, that while I can't restore the lost function, I can slow the lose of function down, which is what I'm going to attempt to do. I have another appointment with this doctor in March and I have to get a blood test at his office in February.

I also have seven other doctor's appointments in February, which makes moving to Searchlight less of an option then it was. The appointments I have cover a four week period with two appointments a week. If I drive to Las Vegas and back to Searchlight that puts me and my car on the road for at least four hours each day. I'm not sure either the car or I could stand the stress. However, I'm getting flack about the apartment I decided to move to in Las Vegas, which increase the stress over moving.

All I want to do is move into the apartment and get my everything situated so that I have less stress. I'm beginning to doubt that here will ever be less stress in my life. Until recently, I thought I was a competent adult and capable of making my own decisions, but I'm beginning to wonder about that; especially with all the flack I'm getting.

I'm almost tempted to find an assisted living place where I have someone to watch over me at all times. At least, then I wouldn't be getting all this flack and no one would have to worry about me. All right, that's not a good idea, but I'm tempted. I'd be a lot less stressed if I wasn't getting as much flack. At this point, I think the best thing to do is stick by my decisions despite. All I need to do is stand up for myself and make my views clear to everyone giving me flack.

Today’s Senior Moment in Las Vegas

Istiqlál (Independence), 1 Kalimát (Words), 169 BE – Friday, July 13, 2012 about 4:20 PM Pacific Time

I had a Senior Moment earlier this afternoon and it scared me. All right, I am 65 and I can expect a Senior Moment now and then. However, this one really shook me up. I was doing a survey and forgot my age. I could remember the year I was born, but not how old I was on my last birthday. I could also remember the date of my last birthday.

Since I needed to know my age for the survey, I used the calculator on my cell phone to figure out my age. I do not think there is anything to worry about now, the momentary memory lose was just a brain hiccup ... an attack of “C.R.S.” I did remember how to use the calculator. I did remember the year I was born (1946). I did remember that my last birthday was December 24, 2011.

I think the best way to handle today’s little memory lapse is not to worry. I doubt that it is an indication of Alzheimer’s disease. It is probably an indication stress or of nothing at all. Everyone has memory lapse now and then. These memory lapses normally do not mean anything except stress. I need to take a deep breath and laugh.

A Busy Week Ahead

Jalál (Glory), 16 Sharaf (Honor), 167 BE – Friday, January 14, 2011 about 8:55 PM Pacific Time

The week of January 16 is going to be busy because both Mom and I have two medical appointments each. Mom’s appointments are Tuesday and Wednesday, while mine are Thursday and Friday. It’s a good thing Monday is a holiday because if it weren’t I’d have an appointment that day. As it is, I’m going to have to change my appointment with Blood Service which is also on Tuesday, January 18.

The Blood Services appointment was to donate blood, so I’ll set it for the following week. I can’t deal with two appointments in one day, four medical appointments in a single week is going to be stressful enough. Getting Mom ready for any medical appointment is stressful, but it is necessary.

The appointments are scattered all over Las Vegas and Henderson. That’s a lot of driving in one week, with all that driving I’m going to have to get gas before I planned. I filled the car up the last week of December. Until this week, I haven’t driven the car very much. This week we (Mom and I) did a lot of driving, but next week even more.

Some days I just want to sit down and cry

‘Idál (Justice), 3 Mashíyyat (Will), 167 BE – Wednesday, September 29, 2010 about 2:22 PM Pacific Time

Some days I just want to sit down and cry. This is one of those days and I'm not sure why. It could be a combination of stresses. Stress is imbalance. Stress is disharmony. I'm under a lot of stress and this morning I encountered one more.

This morning transmission fluid leaked onto the ground. I looked out and saw liquid on the ground by the front wheel on the passenger side. I looked out a few minutes earlier and it wasn't there, but when I looked out after bringing the newspaper in the house there was liquid on the ground. It was a pinkish liquid, so I think it's transmission fluid. I'm going to take the car into the garage in the morning.

The problem is that I have no one to stay with Mom. I'm not sure Mom should go with me because it takes so long to work on the car and Mom gets impatient, but I don't think I can leave her by herself. Mom thinks she would be fine staying by herself, so I haven't mentioned anything about taking the car into the shop. Since I have to take Mom with me tomorrow, I'll wait until tomorrow to tell her.

Midweek Reflections Wednesday, June 17, 2009

‘Idál (Justice), 13 Nur (Light), 166 BE – Wednesday, June 17, 2009 about 2:06 AM Pacific Time

It's Wednesday again. Hump day and the week is half over. This is June the sixth month of the year and 2009 is half over. I realized today that I don't actually remember very much of 2007. It was a stressful year and I'm surprised I remember anything at all about it.

This realization occurred to me when I was checking the contents of my port at writing.com. Of course, my Mother spent most of 2007 in the hospital, so I'm surprised I remember anything at all about that year. Anyway I found two poem I wrote in January and February and realized I didn't remember writing them, but I know I wrote them.

It's up setting realizing that an entire year is a fog of chaos and worry. I know that the stress of what occurred that year is the reason I don't remember a lot of what went on. You see that was the year my Mother turned 86 in the operating room. Mom's recovering nicely and this year she turned 88.

Many other things happened this week, but the memory thing is the most important. It shook me up that an entire year just seemed to be in a fog. The incidents I do remember occurred in stressful moments. I think Mom and I are still recovering form 2007. Oh well, life goes on moving from week to week, from Wednesday to Wednesday and we must handle the stress that comes with living.

As the days get longer

Kamál (Perfection), 15 ‘Alá (Loftiness), 165 BE – Monday, March 16, 2009 about 6:40 PM Pacific Time

It's almost sunset in Las Vegas, the days are getting longer and warmer. Longer days means I can get more accomplished during the daylight hours, but I can never seem to get as much accomplished as I would like.

I did get something accomplished today, but not everything I wanted to accomplish. Part of the problem is an ulcer which acts up when I am under stress. It acted up this afternoon and I had to stop, set down and unstress. When I unstress I can feel the difference.

When my ulcer acts up I can't set at the computer and write. I have to go to the couch, set down and say prayers. This afternoon I took a nap as well. The dentist suggested I don't in my dentures, but I had my dentures in while I dozed sitting on the couch. I'm not sure that dozing while I'm sitting on the couch actually counts as sleep. I'll ask the dentist next time I see him.

I'm going to have the rest of my teeth pull on March 24 and the lower plate put in. I suppose part of my problem with the ulcer could be that I'm not chewing my food properly. I don't see what that would have to do with causing the ulcer to act up, but that is something I'm going to have to as my doctor the next time I see her.

I think I just need to stop worrying and relax a little. I'm still worrying over things that turn out not to be a problem. Perhaps the best solution to the worrying is to stop what I'm doing when a worry raises its head and say a prayer.

2008 is Coming

9 Masa'il 164 B.E. - Thursday, December 20, 2007 about 7:38 AM PST

2007 is almost over and 2008 is approaching. I don't celebrate New Years until Naw-Ruz, which fall on March 21. However, with my birthday on December 24 this is a good time to start considering the changes that have occurred in my life the past year.

On December 24, 2006 I turned sixty. On March 12, 2007 my mother went into the hospital. On March 19, 2007 Mom turned eighty-six years old in the operating room having a bowl resection. For the nine months from March 12 to November 12, I was under so much stress I felt like I was giving birth. The stress isn't gone, but I am putting everything in Baha'u'llah's hands and attempting to let go. Sometimes it seems like the situation is getting better and sometimes it appears just to have leveled off.

It's difficult for me to place everything in Baha'u'llah's hands and then stop worrying, but I'm working on it and achieving it sometimes. I think, that when one puts a situation on God's hands or the hands of one of his Reflections, such as Baha'u'llah or Christ, then you should stop worrying because the situation is taken care of. True there are things that one has to do, but those things can be figured out through prayer and meditation.

"He who puts his trust in God, God will suffice him;

He who fears God, God will send him relief."

Baha'u'llah

Transformation the Theme of this Blog

2 'Ilm 164 B.E. - Tuesday, October 16, 2007 about 10:35 PM PDT

'Ilm, a new month has begun, a new nineteen day period to achieve the writing goals, the financial goals and the spiritual goals I've set for myself. That brought to mind the theme of this blog transformation and the butterfly. The butterfly is the symbol of both the soul and transformation.

The Butterfly and Transformation

The butterfly emerges from its cocoon a completely different creature from the larva that entered the pupa case. The larva was a creature of the earth, eating leaves and other plants to survive. The butterfly is a creature of the air, eating nectar. In the pupa case the larva goes through the transformation that creates the butterfly. This process isn't easy for the larva, it's stressful and difficult, but it's necessary for the larva to become a butterfly.

It's the same way with the human soul. The soul is a creation of God. It has the ability to reflect the attributes of God, but it can't do this without going through test and difficulties that bring out those attributes and let the soul fly.

Mashiyyat Stressful

Mashiyyat was a stressful month. Whether it was more stressful than any month since Baha begin 164 B.E. I'm not sure. It could be that the accumulation of stress finally got to me and I broke out in stress (literally). Anyway I decided that I'm going to do something about it and get the major problems solved that are causing the biggest stresses.

One thing I'm doing is setting aside specific times morning, afternoon and evening for prayer and meditation. I thought back to the period before all this stress started and realized that I no longer had specific time periods for prayer. I've usually gotten the obligatory prayer said, but I usually had to work it in my daily life instead of living my daily life so that I didn't have to "work it in". I've set A, B, and C priorities. The A priorities are spiritual and the other important goals are B priorities.