A Mudgy Memory

‘Idál (Justice), 14 Bahá (Splendor), 170 BE - Wednesday, April 3, 2013 about 5:35 AM Pacific Daylight Time

I am reading The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. In Chapter 11, Ms Didion writes about her daughter, Quintana, using the word mudgy to refer to her sketchy memory about her stay in a hospital. The word Quintana meant was smudgy, as I was reading I realized that mudgy was a good description of some of my memory issues.

Since November 29, 2012, I have dealt with mudgy memories, memories that seemed to be missing pieces that should be there. I think back to the day, weeks, and months before Mom passed. I try to determine if I encountered the same issues then, but I don't think I did. I think the missing memory sections began after Mom passed.

I am frightened! Mom had Alzheimer's disease and I am afraid that the memory issues may be more the simply the stress of Mom's passing. I am afraid that the memory issues may be a sign of the disease that took Mom's memory. I hope and I pray that my mudgy memory is just a sign of stress and that once I have learned to deal with the stress issues my memory will be back to normal.