‘Idál (Justice), 9 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Wednesday, July 21, 2010 about 9:20 AM Pacific Time
Mom had a bad dream and she woke up crying this morning. The dream had something to do with my grandparents who passed away over twenty years ago. Mom was crying because she did not know what happened to her father, she thought that he had left without saying where he was going. For a few moments Mom did not remember that Grandpa was dead.
This does not surprise me, because one of Mom's uncles had a similar experience. His wife had died several years before and he was living alone on their farm. He called one of his sons one morning saying, "I think your Mother has left me!" This statement frightened his son it frightened the entire family. His children moved him into Blackwell from the farm.
It is frightening to see a parent slowly forgetting the past and the present. The only thing I can do for Mom is to remind her that we buried Grandpa and Grandma in Blackwell, Oklahoma. I promised Mom we would visit Blackwell and her parents' graves. I would like to keep this promise to Mom, but I am not going to worry about breaking this promise. Mom will forget that I promised to take her to Blackwell, just as I suspect she will eventually forget my siblings and me.
Forgetfulness is a symptom of Alzheimer's disease just as anger and fear. At least once a day, Mom forgets we still have three cats and she becomes afraid that I gave them away. Mom cannot help believing the illusions any more then she can help crying. I want to cry myself, but I cannot cry in front of Mom because she would not understand.
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