Christmas Memories

I have Christmas memories
both light and dark,
memories that spark
both laughter and tears.

I have Christmas memories--
melancholy echoes--
of a holiday
I no longer celebrate.


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Winter Solistice Memories

Flicks of light
reflect from tumbling leaves,
as starlight dances to the ground
autumn gives birth to winter.

Blue-gray clouds protect
Last minute Christmas shoppers
From the sun's cold rays.

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The Saddest Time of the Year

Jamál (Beauty), 15, Masá’il (Questions), 173 BE - Sunday, December 25, 2016 AD about 1:05 PM Pacific Standard Time. 

It's the holiday season 2016 which many people believe is the happiest time of the year. It isn't! For many people Christmas and the winter holidays bring depression and tears. There are many reasons for this; indeed, each depressed person has his or her own reason for feeling that way. Some of us have issues from our childhood that we can't let go. Some of us are missing relatives (siblings, spouses, parents, grandparents, children, or lovers) who have died. Some of us have a combination of reasons for our sadness, but all of us feel the some sort of depression or brown study around the holidays. 

Whatever causes our depression most of the time we put on a "happy face" so that we don't bring other's down during this time of year. We pretend to enjoy the festivities that bring others so much joy. In doing this we hope to find a reason to celebrate by pushing our reasons for being depressed to the side or deep into our subconscious. This doesn't help us overcome the feelings of depression. This doesn't help us enjoy the festivities. 

I turned 70 years old yesterday, December 24, and in doing so I had an epiphany. I realized that hiding the reasons for my depression during the holidays only makes it worse. Not facing the issues that cause my depression doesn't help let go of the past that haunts me all the time during the holiday season. As much as I don't want to burden others with my darkness, I can't keep the reason for my depression secret any longer therefore I will attempt to write about it. In fact I've already written about it today in my writing.com blog. Which is where I will make most of the entries about my depression. 

A Week Before Christmas

Jamál (Beauty), 8 Masá’il (Questions), 173 BE - Sunday, December 18, 2016 AD about 8.26 AM Pacific Standard Time 

It's a week before Christmas and all through the town 

People are madly driving around, 

Looking for presents to  place under the tree, 

While the memories of my childhood are returning to me. 

I don't celebrate Christmas anymore, but I do write stories, poems, and blog entries about the Christmases of my childhood and youth. Some of my poems are parodies of secular Christmas carols, while others contain Christmas memories that standout in my mind. At 69, soon to be 70, years old I have some wonderful, weird, and spectacular memories of Christmases past. 

Some of these memories are about my grandfather purchasing a live Christmas tree, while others center around the first artificial aluminum Christmas tree on the market. Yes, when I was a young person, Grandpa bought an aluminum tree. I'm not sure why he did, perhaps because Grandma wanted one or maybe because it was the newest one out. Grandpa always attempted to give Grandma everything she wanted. Grandpa also liked to have the latest technology and the aluminum trees were the newest Christmas technology at the time. 

I don't think I've written a poem or story around that aluminum tree. I'll have to do that this week. I usually write my Christmas memories the week before Christmas and the week after Christmas. However, I think I started earlier this year with some of my Christmas stories. Those didn't contain any of my memories and I have to write a couple that contain my memories of Christmas. 

Seven Days and Counting

Jalál (Glory) 7 Masá’il (Questions), 173 BE - Saturday, December 17, 2016 AD about 1:25 PM Pacific Standard Time 

Seven days and counting not to Christmas, but to my birthday. On Saturday, December 24, I will celebrate my 70th birthday. I have no plans to do anything except stay home and write or sing Happy Birthday to myself. I won't be alone because I have a roommate. I don't think we'll make a big deal of my birthday. I'm not sure I want to make a big deal of it. 

I'm not precisely sure how I feel about turning seventy years old. It isn't like I've been seventy years old before. I usually don't make a great event of any of my birthdays.  Perhaps I'll revise my bucket list, after all I don't know how many more years I have on this world. I would like to live to be at least one hundred years old; however, I know that the unexpected happens and a person never really knows how long they will be on this plane of existence. 

My mother wanted to live to be one hundred, but she died in 2012 at the age of 91. She lived a good life up until the last couple of years of her life. Mom died of Alzheimer's disease which stole all her joy of living and her memory. The last few months of her life was hard on her and the entire family.  I miss Mama so much. I would have liked to have celebrated my 70th birthday with her. I celebrated 65 birthdays with Mama, she died only a few weeks before my 66th birthday. I won't celebrate alone this year, but I won't celebrate it with Mama. 

Thankful Thursday: One Week Before Thanksgiving

Istijlal (Majesty), 16 Qudrat (Power), 172 BE - Thursday, November 19, 2015 about 12:16 PM Pacific Standard Time

It is one week before Thanksgiving
and I already tired
of hearing about Black Friday specials.

I don't do Black Friday,
I don't do Small Business Saturday,
I don't do Cyber Monday,
I plan to send the appropriate Holiday Cards,
but other then that
I don't plan on purchasing much
if anything for Christmas
because I don't celebrate Christmas.

A Stressful Time of Year

Jamal (Beauty), 15 Qawl (Speech), 171 BE - Sunday, December 7, 2014 about 2:01 pm Pacific Standard Time

Is December just a stressful time of year? I don't remember last December being this rushed or stressful, but then last year I still lived in the house instead of an apartment. I wonder if that could have anything to do with the stress. It could be that I feel the financial crunch more this year then last year.

I don't do Christmas shopping so the only financial issues I have are paying bills that are not holiday related. I feel rushed and when I feel rushed then I stress. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I know that I can't. perhaps the problem today is the need to fax some information on Monday or Tuesday, but the person I need to talk to hasn't called me back.

I think I'll get offline for a little while and do some housework to see if that relieves the stress I'm feeling. I'll also say some prayer because prayer always helps when I'm feeling stressed. I don't know what else to do at this point. I have to do something about the stress because it is interfering with my creativity.

My Favorite Black Friday Activity

Istiqlal (Independence), 6 Qawl (Speech), 171 BE - Friday, November 28, 2014 about 9:55 am Pacific Standard Time

My favorite Black Friday activity is to stay home and eat Thanksgiving leftover. I am blessed today to have leftovers because I ate Thanksgiving dinner at a neighbor's home. I brought a plate home with me yesterday, so I could have leftovers today.

On Black Friday
pumpkin pie makes a good breakfast,
with a cup of hot coffee.

I will warm the turkey and dressing over for lunch with the rest of the leftovers. I still have a piece of apple pie, so I may eat it either for supper or breakfast on Saturday morning. I would rather eat leftovers on Black Friday then go shopping. In fact, I am not leaving the house to go to the mall or the grocery store today because I do not like to shop on Black Friday.

On Black Friday
the malls are crowded
with Christmas shoppers
and the city streets are jammed
with drivers going to and from various stores.

Midweek Reflections: December 25, 2013

‘Idál (Justice), 14 Masá’il (Questions), 170 BE - Wednesday, December 25, 2013 about 8:29 am Pacific Standard Time

It's a joyous Christmas morning,
I inhaled the scent of woodsmoke
when I rolled the trashcan to the curb
and smiled
at the realization
that even on a holiday
some people are blessed with work.

It's a joyous Christmas morning,
I heard a nightingale singing
outside my kitchen window
and realized
how blessed I am
because I have the love
of both Christ and Baha'u'llah.

It's a joyous Christmas morning,
with a slight breeze caressing
a neighbor's olive tree
and bird songs
echoing
through the neighborhood.

31 Days Left in 2013

Jalál (Glory), 8 Qawl (Speech), 170 BE - Saturday, November 30, 2013 about 9:56 AM Pacific Standard Time

The Good News: I wrote 54,658 words during National Novel Writing Month.

The Bad News: There are only 31 days left in 2013

and only about 5 months (19 days each) left in 170 BE.

A chilly morning
in late November when
oak leaves are turning orange.

The neighbor's oak tree has begun to change color and lose it leaves. Thanksgiving is past, while Christmas and New Year's Day 2014 is approaching. It is time to review my goals. It is time to consider what I have accomplished, what I have left to accomplish, and what I plan to accomplish in the New Year.

Falling leaves always
remind me of the New Year
and new aspirations.

I will not make any specific New Year's Resolutions until Naw-Ruz 2014, but I will consider everything I have accomplished since Naw-Ruz 2013. I will also look at everything I still have to accomplish and decide if it is worth the effort to finish the project or just toss it aside. I know one thing I need to do is to make my daily To Do List more specific and remove items from the C priorities.

One Week until Christmas Day and another week until New Year’s Day

Jamál (Beauty), 7 Masá’il (Questions), 168 BE – Sunday, December 18, 2011 about 3:50 PM Pacific Time

I no longer celebrate Christmas. Christmas Eve is my birthday and Christmas day brings back memories of my childhood in Blackwell, Oklahoma. My Grandmother Newland enjoyed Christmas because she could do one of her favorite things. Grandma enjoyed cooking and baking. Every year at this time, she would bake pies, cakes, and cookies.

Grandma began baking a few days before Thanksgiving and continued until after New Year’s Day. In addition to baking, Grandma fixed turkey, ham, and everything else that went along with the holidays. In addition, Grandma cleaned house. Grandma did a through how cleaning twice a year, once in the spring and again before the New Year.

The holiday season was a busy time for Grandma. For several years, she planned and cooked the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s dinners, while she was cleaning the house for the New Year. Thinking about it make me tired, because I am not sure I can do all the things she did.

Where do I begin writing about my Grandmother’s Christmas and New Year’s rituals? I suppose I should begin with her cooking, especially her pumpkin and apple pies. For years, Grandma made her own pastries for the holidays. I cannot bake pies like my Grandmother, I can cook many of the other dishes she made, but not the pies; therefore, when I want a pie I buy it in the store. Grandma Newland also made her own whipped cream.

One week from today

Jalál (Glory), 6 Masá’il (Questions), 168 BE – Saturday, December 17, 2011 about 4:00 PM Pacific Time

One week from today, I will be 65 years old. I will celebrate my birthday at home with my mother. I want a birthday cake, so I will wait until Friday, December 23, to bake the carrot cake I have in the cupboard. I have some chocolate in the refrigerator, so I will use it to make frosting for the carrot cake. That does not sound like an exciting birthday; however, that is my birthday now that I am over 60 years old.

It would be nice to go out for my birthday, but Mom does not go out anymore, except when she goes to the daycare center during the week. I am not sure what else we will have to eat. I have some canned chicken in the cupboard, so I will fix pasta or rice to go with it. What I would like is a piece of prime rib and a baked potato, since we are not going out to eat prime rib is out of the question.

I miss the birthdays my family celebrated as child. Even if my each of siblings did get to open, a Christmas present when I opened my birthday presents. I used to resent that, but now I miss the celebration and the chocolate cake and ice cream.

Joyous Christmas from Las Vegas

Jalál (Glory), 14 Masá’il (Questions), 167 BE – Saturday, December 25, 2010 about 10:27 AM Pacific Time

It is Saturday, December 25; it is the last Saturday in 2010 next Saturday a New Year begins. It is a joyous Christmas because there are music specials on television playing carols and hymns I remember from my childhood. It is a joyous Christmas because my mother is sitting on the love seat watching Channel 10 and listening to Christmas music. It is a joyous Christmas because I heard my mother laugh as she watched the singers and listened to the music.

A joyous Christmas
Echoes from my T.V. set
Mother is happy

A memory from my childhood: Countdown to Christmas

Istijlál (Majesty), 17 Qawl (Speech), 167 BE – Thursday, December 9, 2010 about 10:40 AM Pacific Time

When I was a child Christmas preparation began on Black Friday. Grandpa would pile my three siblings and me into the car and we would go Christmas tree shopping. Then on December 1, the Countdown to Christmas would begin. We always knew how many days until Santa Claus came through the window. We did not have a fireplace, so the Jolly Old Elf could not come down our chimney.

Each day in December, we would wake up, look at the calendar and count the days until Christmas. Today there are sixteen days left until Christmas. As a child, the number of days until Christmas was very important because we knew Santa Claus was watching and knew “who was naughty and who was nice”. I never did figure out what scale he used to determine “naughty” or “nice”, I simply knew that getting presents meant being nice.

On December 24, the day before Christmas Mom or Grandma would bake Christmas cookies. We always saved Santa Claus, Snowman, and Reindeer cookies for Santa. We would place the cookies, with a tall glass of milk, on the coffee table close to the tree. The next morning we would have presents under the tree and the cookies and milk were gone.

The Christmas Season brings back Memories

Istijlál (Majesty), 10 Qawl (Speech), 167 BE – Wednesday, December 1, 2010 about 8:35 PM Pacific Time

I no longer celebrate Christmas. The gift giving time for me is February 26 to March 1, but the Christmas Season brings back memories. I have both good memories and bad memories of Christmas. I was born on December 24, so I have mixed memories of Christmas because of the accident of my birthday.

Today a couple of things reminded that this is the Christmas Season. I stopped at Smith’s Food and Drug to see if one of my prescriptions was ready and in front of the store, I saw a Salvation Army Bell Ringer. Tonight when I returned to the living room after checking on Mom, I glanced out the window. The neighbors across the street have their house decorated for Christmas.

Mom always enjoyed driving around Las Vegas and looking at the Christmas lights. It’s been a while since we did that, but this year I think I’ll take her out to look at the Christmas lights. I have a full tank of gas and the fluids in my car are all right. The only issues are the cold weather and one of the front tires on my car it looses air. I’m a member of AAA and I have a cell phone, so Mom and I should be all right.

Christmas Eve 2009

Istijlál (Majesty), 13 Masá’il (Questions), 166 BE – Thursday, December 24, 2009 about 1:44 PM Pacific Time

It's Christmas Eve, my birthday, and Thankful Thursday. There are about seven days left in 2009. Today I'm staying home, I'll go out for a birthday lunch or dinner next week. I thought about going out today, but I don't like driving in Christmas Eve traffic in Las Vegas.

I have a pumpkin roll in the cupboard and some chocolate ice cream in the freezer, so I can celebrate my birthday. It just doesn't seem like a birthday if I don't have cake and ice cream. All right, it's a pumpkin roll, but it's close enough to a cake to make me happy.

Chocolate ice cream
and a birthday pumpkin roll
Las Vegas living.

No White Christmas this year in Las Vegas

Fidál (Grace), 11 Masá’il (Questions), 166 BE – Monday, December 21, 2009 about 7:47 PM Pacific Time

According to the weather report, which arrived in my e-mail box tonight there going to be no white Christmas. There might be a few flake, but that doesn't constitute a white Christmas in the Las Vegas valley. That means if I want to see snow on either my birthday (December 24) or on Christmas, I have to drive to Mount Charleston.

When I was growing up, in Blackwell, Oklahoma, I enjoyed playing in the snow. I still enjoy the snow, only now I enjoy sitting inside with a cup of hot chocolate and watching it snow outside. Since no snow is forecast for Christmas, I'll just drink hot chocolate and dream about the snow.

We don't celebrate Christmas, so we won't be going out Christmas Day. However, I think we'll go out on Christmas Eve. I have a gift card to one of the local restaurants and I want to use it before the end of the year. I think we'll go out for lunch rather then in the evening.

Fresh Fruit Salad for Christmas

Jamál (Beauty), 9 Masá’il (Questions), 166 BE – Sunday, December 20, 2009 about 10:05 AM Pacific Time

I remember Grandma making fresh fruit salad. I'm not sure whether she made it for Christmas or Thanksgiving; I just remember watching her cutting up the fruit for the salad. When Grandma made the salad, she peeled the apples and then cut them into chunks. Grandma always peeled the apples because she couldn't swallow the peeling.

I picked up a Christmas fruit boxes from Angel Food Ministries yesterday. It has apples, oranges, grapefruit, tangerines and pears. I'm going to make a fruit salad this year. Sometime I have trouble swallowing the apple peeling, but I'm not sure whether I'm going to peel the apples or not.

In addition to the fruit, Grandma put tiny marshmallows, shredded coconut, and nuts. I have the nuts here, but I don't have shredded coconut or marshmallows. Therefore, I'm going to have to get both of those on Wednesday after my check arrives. I'm going to use yogurt for the salad dressing. I'm not sure if Grandma used yogurt for the fruit salad dressing, but I don't think she did. Grandma made her own dressing for the fruit salad and I can't remember how she made the dressing.

I discovered YouTube

Istiqlál (Independence), 12 Qawl (Speech), 166 BE – Friday, December 4, 2009 about 9:24 AM Pacific Time

I have DSL and recently discovered YouTube. All right, I've known YouTube existed for a long time, but when I subscribed to a dial-up connection there was not use accessing that website. However, now that I have DSL I can enjoy the videos.

Christmas time is a wonderful time to listen and watch videos because of the music. I don't celebrate Christmas, but I do listen the Christmas music. Christmas music brings back memories of my childhood. Christmas music encourages my muse to write poetry.

Christmas songs echo
through my mind encouraging
childhood's memories.

Making my Holiday Card List

Kamál (Perfection), 8 Qawl (Speech), 166 BE – Monday, November 30, 2009 about 11:11 AM Pacific Time

It's time to start making my holiday card list. It isn't very long, or at least I don't think it's long, but if I get cards through the regular mail or e-mail from friends or relatives I don't expect, I'll sent them one as well.

I remember my grandmother making long a long list of names and address to send Christmas cards. She would go to the store and pick out beautiful religious cards for all the relatives. After she picked the cards out, grandma would spend the first Monday after Thanksgiving addressing the cards.

Today is the first Monday after Thanksgiving. Today is Cyber Monday. Today many people are shopping online and looking for holiday bargains. My grandmother would go into Blackwell to find and buy Christmas gifts. On thing, shopping online does is save a lot of gas because you don't have to use the car to shop online.