A day of tears

Jamál (Beauty), 5 Bahá (Splendor), 169 BE – Sunday, March 25, 2012 about 2:45 PM Pacific Time

I hear her crying

I ask “Mama, what is wrong.”

I get no answer.

Sometimes Mom knows why she is crying, but other times she doesn’t. Mom cries because her parents aren’t her for her to see. They died several years ago, but Mom doesn’t remember attending their funeral. Mom doesn’t remember they were buried in Blackwell, Oklahoma.

Mom also cries because she loves me. I know she loves me, I just don’t know what to do when that is the reason she cries. These are only a few of the reasons Mom cries. She cries because she has Alzheimer’s disease. She takes medication, which in some cases helps.

Sometimes Mom goes for hours without crying. Sometimes Mom can’t stop crying (at these time I have medication I can give her that calms her down). Because of the Alzheimer’s she thinks people hate her. I attempt to talk to her and reassure her that I love her and that all her children love her. Sometimes it helps, but at other times, it does no good.

There are times when the only thing I can do is sit with my arm around her while she cries. I think the tears are to worst part because I’m never sure what causes Mom to cry. She takes medication for depression. She takes medication or agitation. She takes medication for Alzheimer’s disease.

I want to cry because of what this disease has done to my mother. I can’t cry in front of Mom because she doesn’t understand why I’m crying. Mom doesn’t realize she has Alzheimer’s disease and therefore doesn’t realize it’s the cause of many of her problems.