Today the Pain is a one

Istiqlál (Independence), 14 Núr (Light), 167 BE – Friday, June 18, 2010 about 5:22 PM Pacific Time

The pain is a one
Haunting the depths of my mind
It waits unguarded

The pain in my knee is flicker, like a flame burning low and then high, from one to nine. The pain never goes away it is always there waiting for me to go to sleep. When I do go to sleep and stretch my leg out the pain wakes me up.

I go to sleep in the fetal possession, when I stretch my leg out it hurts so bad that I wake up. It doesn't matter what I take, the pain is still there interfering with my life and my joy.

Rising to a nine
It pulls me out of deep sleep
My joints protesting

The constant pain is wearing on my soul and mind. I don't sleep well at night. I try to take a nap during the day, but that is no better because the pain in my knee is always there. It is always waiting for me to let down my guard.

I know that pain is part of the process of living, but normal pain is eventually relieved. Chronic pain is different because it never leaves it just retreats for a little while waiting to reappear.