Missing Mama

Fiḍál (Grace), 13 Jamál (Beauty) 174 Badi - Tuesday, May 9, 2017 CE about 4:51 PM  Pacific Daylight Time 

Five days until Mother's Day 2017. It's been over four years since Mom passed away. My mother's spirit left her physical body on November 29, 2012. The last Mother's Day I celebrated with Mama was Sunday, May 13. It wasn't much of a celebration because Mom was afflicted with Alzheimer's disease. I don't know if she even realized it was Mother's Day. 

On the morning of May 13, 2012, I made coffee and served Mom chocolates with her meal. Someone (I think one of my brother's or family friend) sent her roses. Roses were Mom's favorite flower, she especially liked red roses. We spent the day at home because it was difficult for me to get Mom in and out of the car to go out to eat. We watched television and talked. To this day I don't know whether Mom knew if I was her mother or daughter. 

I miss Mama so much. Everytime I see an ad for a Mother's Day present, I want to cry. Normally ad on websites or sent to my e-mail box don't bother me. The exception is Mother's Day ads. Mom isn't here for me to give her roses or chocolates. She isn't here to hear me say "I love you, Mama" and then kiss her on the cheek. I can say prayers for the departed. I can talk to Mom in my mind, but she isn't physically here to listen to what I have to say.  

I know that Mom is in the Abha Paradise. I know she no longer suffers the effects of Alzheimer's Disease. Alzheimer's affect the brain and not the soul. I still cry because it hurts so much that Mama isn't here to celebrate Mother's Day or any holiday we always celebrated.