A Good Tuesday

Fiḍál (Grace), 19 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Tuesday, January 17, 2017 AD about 4:33 PM Pacific Standard Time 

Beautiful Tuesday 

A day to write poetry 

And learn a new form 

It's a good Tuesday. I did several surveys and I wrote a poem. Now I have to post this and then get some editing accomplished. I also have to finish a snack bar I started earlier today. I got hungry so I decided I needed a snack. I unwrapped a Balance bar and ate half of it before realizing that I wanted more than just a little snack. I warmed some leftover up in the microwave and now I have to finish the snack because I can't put it back in the package. 

Motivational Monday: A Yoyo Day

Kamál (Perfection), 18 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Monday, January 16, 2017 AD about Sunset Pacific Standard Time 

This morning I woke up in a positive mood. Even before I had my first cup of coffee the morning looked bright with a smooth flowing day. Then my mood changed to negative. I'm not sure why it changed which is the problem. Most of the time I know why my mood goes sour, but this morning I didn't. I could have been financial problems. It could have been the issue with the car. It could have been any number of things. I said my prayers and my mood became more positive. 

Then sometime this afternoon my mood changed again. After thinking about it, I decided the problem was that I hadn't said my Obligatory prayer. Therefore, I recited the short Obligatory prayer which helped. After that, I reviewed some more items on writing.com and did some surveys. That's when I noticed my mood changing again. I think part of the problem is doing survey after survey without qualifying for any. I noticed that I'm always in a better mood when I qualify to complete a survey. Other things that improve my mood are prayers and writing. Anyway, I'm in a more positive mood right now. 

January thoughts on prayer and writing

Jamál (Beauty), 17 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Sunday, January 15, 2017 AD about 9:22 AM Pacific Standard Time 

My thoughts are rambling 

Unfocused scattered worries 

I intone a prayer 

Praying helps focus my thoughts on what I have to do and write. I have to rein in the worries and my rambling thoughts. My thought ramble when I'm worried and the only way I've found to stop their wandering off the topic I'm working on is prayer. I can't write without regular prayer. I can't stop worrying without regular prayer. Prayer helps me write. Meditation helps me write but I can't meditate if I don't pray because my thoughts become scattered and ramble.  When my thoughts ramble then I worry. 

Midweek Reflections on My Purpose in Life

'Idál (Justice), 13 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Wednesday, January 11, 2017 AD about 9:12 AM Pacific Standard Time 

It's said that there are two great days in a person's life. The first is birth and the second is when the person finds out why they were born. Many of us go through life never knowing why we were born because we don't know our purpose in life. I didn't find out my purpose until after I was thirty years old. In fact I had to move from Oklahoma to Nevada to find my purpose in life. 

My purpose in life is to know and love God. This wasn't something I was taught as a child. Indeed I grew up thinking that God was someone you addressed at meal time and on Sundays. There rest of the time we were free to do whatever we wanted without considering God's purpose for our lives. Only after thirty years old did I encounter anyone who had another viewpoint. 

I had a couple of dreams when I was in Blackwell that implied I needed to search for truth and my purpose. I didn't realize the significance of these dreams until after I left Oklahoma and begin my search in earnest. I discovered my purpose in Las Vegas and I found that to express that purpose, I had to write. I had to write either poetry or stories to express my purpose. My purpose is to know and love God. My work, when done in the proper attitude, is equivalent with worship of God. 

An interesting Day At the Doctors

Fiḍál (Grace), 12 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Tuesday, January 10, 2017 AD about 4:32 PM Pacific Standard Time 

The good news is that I didn't gain any weight and I didn't lose any. I weighted the same as I did in December when I went to another doctor. My kidney function has changed so that's another piece of good news. The bad news is that when I went to pick up my prescriptions today they cost $3.30 each instead of $2.95. In addition to the rise in prescription prices, I also have co-pays when I go to a specialist. This means that any specialist I go to I have to pay a $10.00 co-pay. 

I know that doesn't sound like much, but when that's added to the extra $50.00 I  have to pay for rent that adds up. I know one thing, I'm probably not going to do this is have a podiatrist cut my toenails. I know they need cut, but I'm going to have to figure out a way to do it myself. I have to go to nephrologist (kidney doctor) and an optometrist because of medical conditions those doctors specialize in, but I don't necessarily have to go to a podiatrist. All though I will admit having a podiatrist cut my toenails is cheaper than having a pedicure which I don't think is necessary. 

Goals for the January 8 to January to January 14, 2017

Jamál (Beauty), 10 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Sunday, January 8, 2017 AD about 1:51 PM Pacific Standard Time 

What are my goals for the second week of January 2017? Write, review, edit, and submit. Those are broad goals so I have to narrow and tighten them. This week I want to review at least 28 items on writing.com with about 7 of those reviews sent to a new person on the site.  I have to write submit to one contest on writing.com because of a challenge I'm participating in. This week I think I will attempt a story rather than the poem I usually write. I will edit everyday because I'm editing a specific novel. I may not be able to finish the editing by the end of the week, but I will get a good part of it accomplished. I'll post my accomplishments on Saturday, January 14. 

Giving Up Is Not An Option

Jalál (Glory), 9 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Saturday, January 7, 2017 AD about 10:06 AM  Pacific Standard Time 

Giving up isn't an option. Giving up doesn't do any good and it only makes an already difficult situation worse. January is always a difficult month and I normally survive with a roof over my head, the electricity turned on, food in the refrigerator, the car tags paid for, and an internet connection. At least I have so far, but I'm beginning to wonder about this month and this year. 

Giving up is not an option. Putting the situation in God's hands and then brainstorming the solutions to my problem is. I know how I handled the situation last year, which may be the same way I handle it this year. That wasn't what I wanted to do, but I don't see any other way. I suppose I could give up the car. However if I do that it will be more difficult and cost me more to get around. I don't think I'm at my wits end yet. The fact that my rent is going to raise from $525.00 to $575.00 per month makes everything more difficult. 

I only see one option at this point, which is to move to Searchlight with my sister. I don't think this is a good idea. The truth is that I don't think she and I can live in the same house  peacefully. We're too different. We have different views of having fun and everything else. However, I think I'm going to have to call her to ask for money for the car tag. I've depended on her way too much this last year for help and I'd like to stop that. I just don't know what to do at this point except turn to God and ask for divine help. 

I know that my prayers are answered. If I'm supposed to call my sister for help then God will assist me to do that. I know there must be another way that I'm not seeing right now. There just has to be some way to solve my problem even if it's something I don't want to do. I'll just have to suck it up and do it. I may have to move out of Las Vegas. I'm going to close this now and post it before saying some more prayers. 

A Glacial Wind

Istiqlál (Independence), 8 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Friday, January 6, 2017 AD about 3:01 PM Pacific Standard Time 

It is a sunny and clear 44 degrees here in Las Vegas. The wind, which is about 5 mph, feels as if it is blowing off a glacier. I went out to get the mail and my feet felt as if they were freezing. Alright, I shouldn't wear flip-flops in the winter time. Since I don't have any other shoes that fit, I need to start wearing socks so that my toes don't get cold. 

A glacial wind blows 

Whispering snow stories 

Oklahoma memories 

I don't miss Oklahoma in the winter time. I like living in Las Vegas because if I want to play in the snow, I can drive up to Mount Charleston, which I'm not going to do until I can get new tires for my car. Come to think of it, even if I had new tires, I wouldn't drive up to The Mountain this time of year. If someone else offered to take me up their, in their car, I would go, but I'm not going to drive myself or let anyone drive my car up their. 

A dreary Thursday in January

Istijlál (Majesty), 7 Sharaf (Honors), 173 BE - Thursday, January 5, 2017 AD about 11:28 AM Pacific Standard Time 

It's a dreary Thursday 

In January 

The weather matches my mood 

Wind carrying dead leaves 

And litter across the sidewalk 

While clouds promising tears 

All right that's enough of the darkness. I have too much work to do to huddle in my own depression. I know it's January and the probably the worst financial month of the year. This depression and wanting to cry isn't helping any. Perhaps I need to take a different approach and instead of ranting about my problems try writing encouraging and inspiring blog entries. I know there must be something to laugh about. I'll try making at least one positive entry a week. I would like to make more, but I think one a week may be a good start. 

Midweek Reflections on the Effect of Music on my mood

'Idál (Justice), 6 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Wednesday, January 4, 2017 AD about 11:16 AM Pacific Standard Time 

To say that I started out the morning a bit depressed is an understatement.  I was descending into my normal January brown study and blogging about it in my writing.com blog. Two of the blog prompts I responded to today lent themselves to the subject. After I responded and posted those entries to the proper blog groups I checked the wirting.com newsfeed. There was a community challenge to listen to the song Celebration by Cool & The Gang and then write a response of some type. I chose to put my response, which was a free verse poem, in my writing.com blog. 

As I listened to the music, I realized that my mood was changing. The fog of my January depression was lifting. I write the poem Celebration: Scattering the Darkness and posted it in my writing.com blog. After listening to the music and writing the poem, I'm feeling much more confident and a lot happier. I still have the same problems I did before I listened to the music, but now I can see clearly enough to figure out a solution. Depression doesn't help finding a solution to anything, in fact it makes the depressing situation worse because it hides the solution behind the fog of fear. 

Tuesday Rant from Las Vegas

It's a beautiful and chilly Tuesday in Las Vegas. This morning I went to my kidney doctor for a blood test because I have an appointment to see him next week. I'm not looking forward to the appointment because it's going to cost me a co-pay for the visit. The co-pay is only about  $10.00 so I don't suppose I have anything to bitch about. It wouldn't do any good to bitch anyway. I have to see the doctor so I have to pay the co-pay. 

I didn't have to worry about co-pays last year because Medcaid paid them last year, but they won't this year so I have to figure out where that money coming from plus every other medical expense that I can't afford to pay because I'm attempting to survive on Medicare and Social Security. January is an especially difficult month financially because I have to have my car tag renewed. I know I'll survive, but I don't know how right now. 

I think my biggest problem today is that I'm so tired of worrying and scratching to find the money to purchase what I need. The biggest thing I need is a vacation and that's not going to happen because in order to take a vacation I need money which I don't have and if I did have it would go to paying bills. Then this morning I received a letter about my Student Loan, which I can't afford to pay and still have a place to live, was delinquent. I'm not stupid, I know the damn thing's delinquent. If I could afford to pay it I would. I'm barely surviving on a fixed income. 

I don't know why I'm writing this because it's not going to do any good. In addition, I'll probably regret writing it, but today I don't care. If I thought tears would do any good then I'd cry, but crying won't change anything or do anything about my problems. Crying may help me emotionally. However, instead of crying I think I'll say some prayers. 

Motivational Monday: Dear Poet 999

Kamál (Perfection), 4 Sharaf (Honor), 173 BE - Monday, January 2, 2017 AD about 3:55 PM Pacific Standard Time

Dear Poet 999, 

This year has started out rather slowly and, I think, that's because New Year's Day fell on a Sunday. Almost everything is closed today which means we were unable to pick up any food at any of the Food Banks today. Almost everything, with the exception of some of the drug stores, gas stations, restaurants, grocery stores, and casinos were closed today. 

I am grateful that the CVS Pharmacy was open because I need some personal items. I'm also grateful that my Social Security money hit my checking account on Saturday because I was able to pay the Cable/Internet bill earlier than I thought. Now I don't have to worry about that until about January 18. I got a $2.00 raise in my Social Security this year, which will help a little bit. However, I have my license plate, power bill (it's a lot higher then it was in December), the smog test, and the Internet bill to pay. Needless to say I don't have enough for everything. I haven't even mentioned the co-pays I have coming up. 

I have two co-pays coming up next week. I think I'll get the smog test and then figure out where the money for the tag is coming from. I know there isn't use in worrying because worry doesn't help solve the problem. Part of the problem would be solve with less money going out, but since that isn't possible or, at least, I don't think it's possible, I'm going to have to figure out another way. I need to move to a cheaper place (if I can find one) and I think cut out the cable television and just keep the internet. That means I won't have any television until I purchase the attachment for my present T.V., but sacrifices have to be made. 

Your Writer 

Who is attempting to keep motivated