Fidal (Grace), 1 Ilm (Knowledge), 169 B.E. - October 16, 2012 about 10:00 A.M. Pacific Time
It is the first of Ilm (Knowledge) and I am home alone. Mom is at the adult daycare center where I think she is having fun. When Mom comes home from the daycare I usually ask her what she did, but often she cannot remember. That is the way Alzheimer's disease works, it devastates the short-term memory. It does other things as well, but the short-term memory lose is the most obvious.
Tonight when Mom goes to bed I will turn on the oxygen compressor and put it on her. I do not know how long she will keep it on, so I will have to check every hour or so. In addition, to the oxygen I have to wake her up about 8:00 P.M. and give her a pill. I know the meds can just do so much; eventually the Alzheimer's will take my mother from me.
I want to cry, but I am not sure it would do any good. Crying will not bring my mother's memory back. Crying will not stop the spread of the disease. Crying may help me deal with my emotions for a little while, but eventually I have to accept what is waiting in the future. Eventually I have to accept the loneliness, some of which I am feeling now. I feel lonely because I cannot carry on an intelligent conversation with my mother. The only thing I can do is put everything in God's hands and do what I can do to make Mom as happy as she can be under the circumstances.
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