Jamál (Beauty), 5 Masá’il (Questions), 169 BE – Sunday,
December 16, 2012 about 10:05 Pacific Time
I know it will get easier as time goes by. Eventually, I
will not wake up in the middle of the night listening for her voice or for the
oxygen compressor. This morning I set at the computer, I look toward the couch
where Mom usually sat watching me at the computer. Mom loved to watch me type
stories or blog entries.
Now, I look toward the spot where here wheelchair usually
sat. I expect to see her wave or smile at me. I expect to hear her ask for
something to eat. When I get up from the computer, I want to go over where her
wheelchair usually sat and kiss her on the head, but Mom is not there. Mom will
never be sitting there again.
I know she is in a better place. Mom is in paradise with her
parents. I know she is happy. I know Mom wants me to be happy, but the only
thing I can do right now is cry because she is not with me. I am cooking for
one now and I do not like to cook for one person. I cannot cook for one person,
so I cook for two people and eat leftovers the next day.
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