Excruciating

Istiqlál (Independence), 15 Qawl (Speech), 169 BE – Friday, December 7, 2012 about 2:30 P.M. Pacific Time

Mama died on November 29; that was nine days ago. Mama’s funeral was yesterday. Sometimes I still feel as if I am walking in a fog. I still wake up in the middle of the night listening for my name. No matter how Alzheimer’s disease ravaged Mom’s brain, she still remembered my name. There were times when I did not know if she thought I was her mother or her daughter, but she still remembered my name.

I wonder what I am going to do now. I have more free time, perhaps too much free time. I miss Mama so much; to say it hurts is an understatement. I am a writer and you would think I could find a term to express the pain of losing Mom.  No word I know for pain describes what I am feeling. I am not sure there is a word to describe the lose and pain of losing the woman who gave you life.