Excruciating

Istiqlál (Independence), 15 Qawl (Speech), 169 BE – Friday, December 7, 2012 about 2:30 P.M. Pacific Time

Mama died on November 29; that was nine days ago. Mama’s funeral was yesterday. Sometimes I still feel as if I am walking in a fog. I still wake up in the middle of the night listening for my name. No matter how Alzheimer’s disease ravaged Mom’s brain, she still remembered my name. There were times when I did not know if she thought I was her mother or her daughter, but she still remembered my name.

I wonder what I am going to do now. I have more free time, perhaps too much free time. I miss Mama so much; to say it hurts is an understatement. I am a writer and you would think I could find a term to express the pain of losing Mom.  No word I know for pain describes what I am feeling. I am not sure there is a word to describe the lose and pain of losing the woman who gave you life.

I am Planning my Funeral

Istiqlál (Independence), 15 Kamal (Perfection), 165 B.E. – Friday, August 15, 2008 about 3:20 PM PDT

Before anyone who knows me panics because of the title I am planning on living to be at 100 years old. I am not all that ill, it's just that I am being practical. Death is a part of life and I want the "Celebration of my Life", which will occur after my soul has ascended to the next world to be stress free for my survivors. Therefore, I am planning my funeral, this way the only thing my kin has to do is go to the celebration and, possibly, fight over there share of my fortune.

All right, I don't have a fortune, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything to leave my kin. I still have my will to write, so hang in there folks you may get something besides my best wishes after all. I got a book today called "Personal Planning Guide", which templates to put in the information needed after my soul departs from my body.

I am going to filling out the templates this evening, after I am finished working online. I do not want anyone worrying or wondering about what my last wishes were. I remember my grandparents' funerals and planning them was stressful because there was a lot that I didn't know at the time. I don't want my family to go through the stress of wondering if they are doing the right thing when my time comes.

In addition, to everything in the template, I have some poems I want read at the funeral. I also want copies of some of the poems given to those who attend. I'm not sure what else to say about this subject. Just be assured that I'm well at this time and planning on living to be at least 100.