I am in recovery

Jalal (Glory), 4 Mashiyyat (Will), 169 B.E. - Sunday, September 30, 2012 about 12:30 P.M. Pacific Time

I got sick Wednesday, September 26, 2012, about 12:55 A.M. and I am now in recovery. No, I did not go to the doctor because (1) I could not drive myself to the office and (2) I did not have an appointment and I would have to wait too long to see the doctor. I did not call an ambulance because it would have taken me to the Emergency Room where I could have died waiting to see a doctor. If I was die, I was going to die in my own home where I could be in misery without encountering other human beings in misery.

 The following two days I fought the dry heaves, while attempting to get as much work accomplished as as a sick woman can do. On Thursday and Friday I left the house once each day because I was now capable of driving a car without putting myself or anyone else in danger. On Wednesday and Thursday I had beef broth and water for nourishment. On Friday, I ate chicken soup, with milk or water. In addition, on all those days I got Mom out of bed and ready for the C.N.A. give her a bath. I also think I took several naps in between everything else.

I did much better on Saturday and washed two loads of clothes. Today I washed only one load, but I may do another later on; if I have enough energy after washing the dishes and taking out the trash. I still have a cough, but since I am not planning on going out of the house until Tuesday, I am not going to worry about spreading anything around. On Monday, I have to close the books for September and make some online payments.

The Last Monday in September

Kamal (Perfection), 17 'Izzat (Might), 169 B.E. - Monday, September 24, 2012 about 9:11 A.M. Pacific Time

It is the last Monday in September 2012 and there are three months left on the calendar. Today, the daycare bus is late  picking Mom up. Mom is all ready to go, I have given her all the meds she takes at home. She had a bowl of cereal when she took them and now she is sitting in her wheelchair waiting for the bus.

It is the last Monday in September and I have that autumn feeling. I miss the woman my mother was before the Alzheimer's disease devastated her memory and her emotions. Right now, Mom is in a good mood. She is not crying and she wants to get out of the wheelchair. I do not know what she wants to do because all she says is that she wants to get up. I wish Mom could get out of the wheelchair and walk on her own.

I am hungry, so I need to go fix me something to eat. Sometimes I eat cereal with Mom and sometimes I wait until after she leaves for the daycare center to fix me something to eat. However, I cannot leave Mom alone in the living room for more then a few minutes because she wants to get out of the wheelchair. Mom has difficulty getting up using the walker and with help from me or someone else. However, she does not understand or remember this.

Is my mother laughing or crying

Jamal (Beauty), 16 Izzat (Might), 169 B.E. - Sunday, September 23, 2012 about 9:10 A.M. Pacific Time

I listen to my mother's voice. I listen to the noises she makes. I hear her begin to cry, so I ask "Mom, why are you crying?" Her answer, "I'm not crying." I don't  say well it sounded like crying to me. Instead, I watch her face and realize that she isn't crying, but instead she is laughing.

Mom has Alzheimer's disease and she cries about almost everything that disappoints or upsets her. When I ask her why she is crying she usually answers "I don't know!" or "I have a right to cry!" In either case I never find out why she is crying. Earlier this morning, I heard Mom was crying and went into her bedroom to find out why. I never did discover a reason for the tears, so I got her up and we came into the living room.

A while ago, I heard what I thought was crying; however, when I looked at her I realized she was laughing. When Mom starts to cry or to laugh the vocalizations she makes are  the same. The only difference, I can see, is that when she cries she sheds tears.

The first day of autumn in Las Vegas

Jalal (Glory), 15 'Izzat  (Might), 169 B.E. - Saturday, September 22, 2012 about 9:45 A.M. Pacific Time

It is the first day of autumn, Mom and I are sitting in the living room. Mom is sitting in her wheelchair holding  her doll. I am sitting so that I can see Mom and hear Mom, as well as look out the window. It is cloudy today, so the temperature will remain under 100 degrees. That is fine with me because I have had enough of triple digit temperatures this year.

On the first day of autumn, Mom and I ate strawberries and bananas for breakfast. In addition, we each had two donuts and a cup of coffee.  I have given Mom all of her morning meds, so I do not have to worry about convincing her to take any more pills until it is time for lunch. I have also taken Mom's blood pressure twice and both time it was over 100.

The Last Day of Summer

Istiqlal (Independence), 14 Izzat (Might), 169 B.E. - Friday, September 21, 2012 about 5:38 PM Pacific Time.

It is  the last day of summer, tomorrow morning at 7:49 AM Pacific Fall begins. As I look out my living room window, I see clouds gathering in the sky. They are not rainclouds, but the carry enough moisture so that the humidity is noticeable. I also see  the contrail of a jet, its white vapor mixing with the last clouds of summer.

I look forward to autumn because the temperatures are lower, which means the power bill will be lower. It cost a lot to cool the house in summer and to heat the house in winter. In spring and fall we use the air conditioning less. We have a heat pump to keep the house cool in the summer and warm in the winter. I know enough about the unit to set the required temperature on the thermostat, to turn the unit off or on, and change the filter. If the unit requires anything else, I call a professional.

It is the last day of summer, Mom is asleep and the house is silent. The man who maintains my yard carried three trashcans to the curb, so that the garbage trucks can pick them up tomorrow. I still have on trashcan in the garage to roll to the curb tomorrow. Since it is a plastic rolling trashcan and I do not have to pick it up, I can handle it by myself.

Midweek Reflections: My Routine disrupted

'Idal (Justice), 12 'Izzat (Might) 169 BE - Wednesday, September 19, 2012 about 8:22 AM Pacific Time

Precisely one week ago my new computer someone delivered my new computer. Precisely one week ago my writing routine was disrupted. This had a domino affect and caused the disruption of my prayer, meditation, and housekeeping routines. This morning I am feeling effects of that disruption. This morning I feel as if I am standing in a crater after a meteor has struck the Earth.

 This morning, after oversleeping or ignoring the alarm, I went to get Mom up and found the hospital bed raised completely. When I attempted to lower it, I discovered the bed was not getting any electricity. I unplugged it from the extension cord and tried another outlet, but it still did not move. After panicking and calling the Hospice, who called the company that takes care of the equipment, I decided to plug the bed into another outlet. This time the bed worked and I was able to lower it so that I could get Mom out of bed.

I finally pushed Mom and her wheelchair into the living room about 6:00 AM. By the time I gave her all her meds and something to eat it was close to 7:00 AM. I made my coffee and then went outside to pick up the morning newspaper. When I got outside and saw the neighbors' trashcans sitting at the curb, I realized it was Wednesday and trash collection day. I rolled my trashcan to the curb and then picked up my paper. I have to get back into my routine so that I am not so stressed and hurried.

Tuesday Thoughts: People ringing my door bell in Las Vegas

Fidal (Grace), 11 'Izzat (Might), 169 B.E. - Tuesday, September 18, 2012 about 11:48 AM Pacific Time


I am 65 years old and sometimes it is difficult to get around quickly. It takes me more then three seconds to get to the front door. If someone rings the bell that person needs to wait at least five minutes for me to answer. A man just ring my doorbell and did not wait even five minutes for me to answer. This is the second time this month this person had did. I know it is the same person because I am sitting at my computer, which is situated so that I can look out the living room window.

This is a man somewhere between thirty-five and fifty. He always wears the same dirty clothes; therefore, I suspect he is homeless. I also suspect he is looking for either a handout or yard work. Apparently, he does not want either of those very much because he never waits more then three or four seconds after ringing the doorbell. There is no question that I am home because the car is parked in the garage and the garage door is open.

Most people who ring my doorbell wait at least five minutes before leaving. If the they see the car is in the garage or sitting in the driveway then they wait a bit longer. It is nice when they wait for me to answer the door because I like talking to people and I do not get out very much. The only people I get to talk to are those who come to the door or call me on the phone.  I suppose if someone does not  want to wait for me to answer the door then I am not missing an interesting conversation.

I call my Mother Marie

Kamal (Perfection), 10 'Izzat 169 B.E. - Monday, September 17, 2012 about 8:52 AM Pacific Time

I wasn't raised to call my mother by her first name. I've always called her Mom, Mother, or Mommy, but her Alzheimer's disease has changed the way I address my mother. Sometimes I call my mother Marie because she forgets that I'm her daughter. Sometimes she forgets my name and sometimes she remembers. I don't know who she thinks I am at these times.

Mom hasn't been answering my questions or responding to me consistently when I talk to her. At first, I thought the problem was that she didn't hear me, but that's only part of the problem. The rest of the issues is the damage the Alzheimer's has caused to her brain. I've noticed the when Mom wakes up in the morning or after a nap. I finally figured out the problem, Mom doesn't know who I am, so when I call her "Mom" or "Mother" she doesn't  realize I'm talking to her. When this occurs I call Mom "Marie" and she will respond.

The Day of Beauty in Las Vegas

Jamal (Beauty), 9 'Izzat (Might), 169 B.E. - Sunday, September 16, 2012 about 9:24 AM Pacific Time

It is Sunday. It is Jamal. It is the day of Beauty. As I sit typing this, I look out my window and see the blue cloudless sky. The sun is bright, while the shadows cast by buildings and trees are dark. It is warm, but not uncomfortably hot.  It is a beautiful day in Las Vegas.

It is a good beginning to a new week. This morning when I got Mom out of bed I noticed that the swelling in her legs has gone down. This is wonderful because perhaps she can begin wearing her shoes again. For the past few weeks Mom has worn only socks because she retains water and her feet swell. Mom will be happy about that because she has been worried about her shoes.

I hope the temperature tomorrow is not hot. I have to go to the store in the morning because there are a couple of necessities I have to buy. This morning, I used the last trash bag in the house so I have to go shopping in the morning. Since I going to the store for trash bags, I should get some other things as well. I need to get unsalted butter because I need it to make grilled cheese sandwiches.

Friday afternoon in Las Vegas

It's Friday, September 14, about 4:56 PM Pacific Time. I've spent the last two days getting my new computer set up and accessing the Internet. This entire situation is my fault. I wasn't prepared for the new computer. I knew last Wednesday I was getting a new computer. I knew last Wednesday I would need a new surge protector; so why didn't I get the surge protector last week.

Last Wednesday, after turning my other computer off for the third time; I called MyGait to inquire about their senior computers. After talking to the customer service rep and finding out the computer was affordable, I ordered one. The computer was delivered this Wednesday and that night I moved Mom's old computer off her desk and moved the desk closer to my cable modem. On Thursday, I bought the surge protector and today I got the systems going properly, after I figured out which one of my cable connections was an Ethernet connection.

I haven't gotten my journal or anything else transferred from my old computer to the website I now use to compose my documents. I'll discuss this in another post because right now I'm composing this directly into my blog.

Midweek Reflections: Mom at night

‘Idál (Justice), 5 ‘Izzat (Might), 169 BE – Wednesday, September 12, 2012 about 4:09 PM Pacific Time

Mom called me about 11:30 PM last night. She had tried to get up and ended up on the floor. I don’t think she fell on the floor, I slid down to the floor when she attempted to get up. When I went into her bedroom, I found her legs under her, as if she had knelt down and couldn’t get up.

Mom weighs about 145 lbs. She is too heavy for me to lift, so I called 311 (the non-emergency number) and requested some firefighters to lift her back into bed. They came and put Mom back in bed. Mom remained in bed the rest of the night.

Mom wakes up in the middle of the night and decides she has to get up to do something. She will put her legs over the side of the bed and then go back to sleep. Sometimes she does this only once a night and sometimes several times a night. I think that’s what happened last night.

I think she put her legs over the side of the bed and then went back to sleep. After that, she woke up again and ended up on the floor. I just have to get up every hour or so during the night and check on her. That’s all right because five or six days a week I wake up every hour or so anyway. I’ll just have to get up and check on her when I wake up.

Haibun-Haiku: Dark clouds in Las Vegas

Fidál (Grace), 4 ‘Izzat (Might), 169 BE – Tuesday, September 11, 2012 about 1:35 PM Pacific Time

dark charcoal gray clouds

thunder rumbling and grumbling

could it rain today

Rain clouds cover the afternoon sky and thunder rumbles through my neighborhood. I cannot say thunder rumbles through Las Vegas because the city is so large that it can rain in one part of town and not in another. I am not even sure that, when it does rain, it will be an official rain. If it does not rain at the airport, then the rain is not official. It does not matter if it is not measured we need the rain.

Monday Meditations: Cloud Shapes

Kamál (Perfection), 3 ‘Izzat (Might), 169 BE – Monday, September 10, 2012 about 5:30 PM Pacific Time

I look out my living room window and I watch the clouds. One of the clouds has the shape like a giant prehistoric bird. Another looks like a dragon flying across the sky. As they move toward the west, toward the sunset they change shapes. One cloud looks like the head of a pig and another like a fish.

Watching the clouds change shape as they move across the sky is calming. My mind becomes tranquil as I watch their shape morph from one creature to the next. As I watch them, memories of my childhood return, memories of Mom and me sitting in the porch of our house in Blackwell, Oklahoma. We sit and watched the clouds change shape on a late summer afternoon. We commented on the shapes we saw in the clouds.

This afternoon, as I look out my living room window and watch the clouds changes shape I miss the days when Mom’s mind was sharp. I miss the days when Mom and I could have an intelligent conversation about the shapes of clouds. I miss the woman my mother was before Alzheimer’s disease robed her of her memory and ability to hold a conversation about one subject without becoming distracted. I watch the clouds and pray that someday medical science will find a cure for Alzheimer’s disease.

Haibun-Haiku: Afternoon Sunshine in Las Vegas

Jalál (Glory), 1 ‘Izzat (Might), 169 BE – Saturday, September 08, 2012 about 12:30 PM Pacific Time

afternoon sunshine

heats the city and desert

nice to stay indoors

The garbage truck finally empties my trashcan, so I went out to roll it back to the garage. The air was warm and dry, even with clouds in the sky the air felt dry. I’m glad I’m staying home today.

After I put the trashcan in the garage, I noticed the wind had increased. This morning there was a slight breeze, but this afternoon the wind is stronger and I cannot see clouds when I look out my living room window.

Funny Friday: Things to do when your computer system begins running slowly

Istiqlál (Independence), 19 Asmá’ (Names), 169 BE – Friday, September 07, 2012 about 3:00 PM Pacific Time

Here is a list of ten activities to occupy your time when your computer system begins slowing down.

1. Read War and Peace
2. Ask a neighbor if you can take his or her dogs to the park
3. Prepare a seven course meal from scratch
4. Open Windows Task Manager go to Processes and try to figure out which processes are slowing your computer down (Good Luck with this one)
5. Watch a Star Trek marathon
6. Write a 5,000 word novel long hand (that is not using a computer or word processer)
7. Sail around the world in a hot air balloon
8. Bake a three layer cake from scratch and then make the frosting (from scratch)
9. Redecorate your entire house (including the attic and/or basement)
10. Visit every store in the nearest mall

Author’s Note: I began this list at 3:00:29 PM, it is now 3:25:05 PM, and I still do not know what is slowing my computer down. However, after writing this list it does not matter any more.

Mom is retaining water

Istijlál (Majesty), 18 Asmá’ (Names), 169 BE – Thursday, September 6, 2012 about Sunset Pacific Time

Mom’s feet and legs are swelling and she is retaining water. Therefore, Mom is on a low sodium diets. It is difficult to find any foods that do not have salt in them. Some canned soups are “low sodium” soups. The problem is that most of the canned goods in my cupboard have sodium.

Until recently, Mom could not take a “water pill” because her blood pressure was not stable. I talked to the nurse today and Mom blood pressure is now stable. The doctor prescribed a diuretic and potassium tablets. As soon as someone delivers the meds, I will begin giving them to Mom. I guess evening would be the best time to give her the new meds. Mom seems more willing to take her meds in the evening then in the morning.

Tired Tuesday: Butting my head against a virtual wall

Fidál (Grace), 16 Asmá’ (Names), 169 BE – Tuesday, September 4, 2012 about 1:55 PM Pacific Time

It is Tuesday afternoon and my system is almost as slow as it was this morning. The only difference I can see is that I am now able to access the Internet; my browser works this after noon. I spent the morning butting my head against a virtual wall.

I am not sure what caused the problem this morning because sometimes I could access the Internet, but not all the time. Whatever the issues it sometimes prevented, me from accessing the Internet and at other times let me go online.

I am tired, but I cannot stop now. I have until about 3:00 PM to finish writing and then posting. I may put off one of the post until later this evening. I doubt that the speed with pick up, but since Mom gets home between 3:00 and 3:30 PM I have to get off line in about an hour.

My system is always slow, but today it seems like it is slower then normal. I will do what I can before I have to get off the computer. I doubt that I will accomplish too much more then I have.

Haibun-Haiku: Wind dancing through leaves

Jamál (Beauty), 14 Asmá’ (Names), 169 BE – Sunday, September 2, 2012 about 6:15 PM Pacific Time

Wind dancing through leaves

Reflect late afternoon sun

Another hot day

This afternoon the wind is blowing. There are no clouds in the sky, but there is a late afternoon haze. It is another hot day in Las Vegas. I am thankful I that I cannot go anywhere today because Mom is home. It is nice to stay home when the weather is warm.

Alzheimer’s disease: A Caregiver’s Saturday Mo

Jalál (Glory), 13 Asmá’ (Names), 169 BE – Saturday, September 1, 2012 about 11:05 AM Pacific Time

It is Saturday morning; I have fixed Mom her first breakfast and given her all her morning meds. For her first breakfast Mom at sliced strawberries and banana. I am not sure what I will fix for Mom’s second breakfast perhaps scrambled eggs and toast or maybe a bagel, all though, Mom might like dry cereal and a jelly sandwich.

This morning, Mom and I discussed what she would like me to call her. I was calling her Mom, but she never answered me. At first, I thought it was because she was having difficultly hearing me even with her hearing aids in her ears. The problem was not Mom’s hearing difficulty she was hearing the question. Mom did not realize I was talking to her because she had forgotten I am her daughter.

After a bit of discussion, we settled upon Marie. Marie is my mother’s first name. From now on I have to remember to call her Marie, at least until she stop answering me when I address her by that name. I suppose then I can go back to calling her Mom. I do not feel like crying because this I expected to encounter this issue.

My mother has Alzheimer’s disease. I understood that she would eventually forget who I am. Mom will eventually forget a great deal more. It is sad that such a wonderful woman as my mother will forget her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. It is sad that two of Mom’s grandsons and her great grandchildren will never know the wonderful woman she was before Alzheimer’s disease began destroying her memories.