Saturday, July 31, 2010

I think I need a nap

Jalál (Glory), 19 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Saturday, July 31, 2010 about 9:27 AM Pacific Time

I am about to fall asleep on my keyboard. I am on my fourth cup of coffee and still I want to go to sleep. I ate a peanut butter sandwich earlier, perhaps I need something a little more substantial. I will go fix a couple of eggs and if that does not help then I will take a nap.

It is cloudy today, so the lack of sunshine may be the problem. I keep yawing and yawing, perhaps I did not get enough sleep last night. I will eat something, get another cup of coffee, and then read the morning paper. If I go to sleep while reading the paper, then I do need more rest.

Friday, July 30, 2010

The Last Friday in July 2010

Istiqlál (Independence), 18 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Friday, July 30, 2010 about 7:55 PM Pacific Time

July is ending
With clouds and humidity
Las Vegas swelters

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

It rained this morning in Las Vegas

‘Idál (Justice), 16 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Wednesday, July 28, 2010 about 3:26 PM Pacific Time

I woke up, looked out my living room window and saw that the driveway was wet. It is a good thing I rolled the windows in my car up last night or my front seat would have been wet this morning. I am not surprised that it rained, after all, this is monsoon season in Las Vegas. A little rains is expected this time of year.

Even though this is called monsoon season, we do not have real monsoons in Las Vegas. We get rain and floods, but not to the extent that occurs in other parts of the world. This year there has been very little rain and no flooding that makes the news.

Today fluffy white clouds are scattered across the sky. When I go outside, I can feel the humidity in the air. It is a beautiful day in Las Vegas.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Caregivers journal

Fidál (Grace), 15 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Tuesday, July 27, 2010 about 6:12 AM Pacific Time

I am beginning a caregivers journal about my experiences taking care of Mom. As I have stated before, Mom suffers from Alzheimer's disease. I am considering three approaches to this project. The first is to write 366 entries about my experiences. The second approach is to write 366 short stories using my experiences with Mom as the inspiration for the stories. The third is to write slices of life descriptive essays on the subject. There is an old saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemon aid." This journal is my way of making lemon aid.

I am working on the introduction to this journal. In the introduction, I will explain the background, place photo of Mom, and describe the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease. I am planning a 500 to 1,000 word introduction, while each entry will be 1,000 to 2,000 words. A Caregivers Journal is the working title for this piece, I will decide on a final title when I am finished.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Preparing Mom’s medication for the week

Kamál (Perfection), 14 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Monday, July 26, 2010 about 6:59 AM Pacific Time

Mom has three pillboxes and each pillbox has seven compartments. This morning, I prepared Mom's meds for the week. I think I am rescheduling that job to Sunday afternoon. It is time consuming, but not difficult and since the compartment are labeled Sunday through Saturday it makes more sense to do it on Sunday afternoon.

Mom decided she does not need to take her medication, so when I give it to her she protest. Mom still takes her med, but she lets me know that, in her opinion, she does not need them. Since becoming Mom's caregiver, I have learned a lot about Mom and myself. I learn something new about everyday. This is becoming a transformative experience.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

On a cloudy evening in Las Vegas

On a cloudy evening in Las Vegas, Mom has decided she does not need her medication. Therefore, she resists taking it, eventually she takes it but I have to be persistent. I hope she continues to take it, even if she does continue to resist.

I suspect there will come a time when she refuses to take her meds. I have no idea what I will do if she does refuse to take her medication. I will have to deal with that when the time come. This resistance to taking medication is just another manifestation of the Alzheimer's disease. It is just something else I have to handle one day at a time.

Life has become a one day at a time issue for Mom and me. Sometimes I know Mom's thoughts because she speaks them aloud. Some of the things she says is upsetting, but she cannot help herself. Sometimes Mom says her thoughts and immediately forgets what she said. Hearing Mom's self-talk is upsetting; it is also helpful to know what she is thanking because then I can attempt to do something to help her.

Friday, July 23, 2010

A dishpan is missing

Istiqlál (Independence), 11 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Friday, July 23, 2010 about 6:05 AM Pacific Time

I am missing a dishpan. I know what happened to it, I just don’t know where it is. Yesterday afternoon, Mom was washing some things out in the sink and I think she put the dishpan away somewhere in the house. Mom has short-term memory problems and she misplaces a lot of stuff

I will eventually find the dishpan or buy a new one depending on how long it takes me to figure out where this dishpan is located. There is no use asking Mom about it because she has already forgotten that she put it away. If I as Mom, she will only get angry because she does not remember, where she put the dishpan or even that she took it out of the kitchen.

I need a new dishpan anyway. We are using large Tupperware blows to wash dishes. These blows are round. They were originally mixing bowls. I think it is about time we had some regular dishpans for washing dishes. I will get a couple next week after I get the starter fixed in the car, in the mean time, I will just have to work with what I have or do not have.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Thankful Thursday Thoughts

Istijlál (Majesty), 10 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Thursday, July 22, 2010 About 5:53 PM Pacific Time

It's Thankful Thursday
It's time to count my blessings
Mother smiled today

I am grateful that my mother still remembers me and recognizes me when I come into the house. Mom did get angry over something today, but I don't remember the issue. I think it had something to do with me cleaning the cat litter.

Mom forgot to clean the litter, so I cleaned it and she got angry. However, her anger didn't last very long. This afternoon, Mom smiled because I ask her to wash some cloths out in the sink. Mom enjoyed washing the cloths. Mom enjoyed hanging the wet cloths on hangers and hanging them on the drying rack in her bathroom.

Sometime Mom acts the way she used to before the Alzheimer's disease began taking its toll. Then she says something that brings tears to my eyes. Mom forgets things and sometimes she forgets that her sons are married. Sometimes she forgets that her parents died. I know the time I have with Mom is precious because eventually she will forget even me, but for now she remembers when I remind her about the things she forgot.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My mother woke up crying this morning

‘Idál (Justice), 9 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Wednesday, July 21, 2010 about 9:20 AM Pacific Time

Mom had a bad dream and she woke up crying this morning. The dream had something to do with my grandparents who passed away over twenty years ago. Mom was crying because she did not know what happened to her father, she thought that he had left without saying where he was going. For a few moments Mom did not remember that Grandpa was dead.

This does not surprise me, because one of Mom's uncles had a similar experience. His wife had died several years before and he was living alone on their farm. He called one of his sons one morning saying, "I think your Mother has left me!" This statement frightened his son it frightened the entire family. His children moved him into Blackwell from the farm.

It is frightening to see a parent slowly forgetting the past and the present. The only thing I can do for Mom is to remind her that we buried Grandpa and Grandma in Blackwell, Oklahoma. I promised Mom we would visit Blackwell and her parents' graves. I would like to keep this promise to Mom, but I am not going to worry about breaking this promise. Mom will forget that I promised to take her to Blackwell, just as I suspect she will eventually forget my siblings and me.

Forgetfulness is a symptom of Alzheimer's disease just as anger and fear. At least once a day, Mom forgets we still have three cats and she becomes afraid that I gave them away. Mom cannot help believing the illusions any more then she can help crying. I want to cry myself, but I cannot cry in front of Mom because she would not understand.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My Mother also feeds the cats

Fidál (Grace), 8 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Tuesday, July 20, 2010 about 5:29 AM Pacific Time

I feed the cats' everyday before I go to work. My mother also feeds the cats' everyday. The difference is Mom feeds the cats; cereal and I give them dry cat food. My cat will not eat cereal, they prefer to have cat food.

It is amusing to look in their food dishes and find cereal on top of the cat food. It is also wasteful because I have to throw the entire dish of food away. As I have mentioned in earlier post, Mom suffers from Alzheimer's disease. She does not realize she is putting cereal on top of the cat food.

I cannot say anything to Mom about this because then she get angry and thinks I am criticizing her. Therefore, I have to find another way to solve the problem. Today I take the food up before I leave for work. If I leave empty cat food dishes in the dining room Mom can put as much cereal in the bowls as she wants because the cats will not eat cereal.

Since cereal is less expensive then dry cat food, it is more economical to buy dry cereal. I could hide the cat dishes from Mom, but she may find them and put cereal on top of the dry cat food. The best solution, at this point, is to take the cats' food up during the day and leave it down at night. I may think of another solution, after I have more time to consider the subject.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Place everything in God's hands

Kamál (Perfection), 7 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Monday, July 19, 2010 about 7:34 AM Pacific Time

Today I place all
My joys and woes in God's hands
The sun is shining

Mom had a difficult early morning; I think part of the reason concerns one of her meds. Due to insurance rules, the scheduled refill of Mom's depression medication is July 20. Mom ran out of the tablets Saturday night and has not taken the medication since. This morning difficult situation makes her cry and for Mom taking medication is a difficult situation.

Mom does not like to take medication because she believes she does not need the meds. Mom does take here medication, but it is a long process to convince her to take the tablets. Since Mom has Alzheimer's disease, the medication is going to continue being an issue.

Mom also thought I left her this morning. I went to the backyard to put up the cloths line. When I returned Mom was looking for me and crying. Mom is having separation issues, she is afraid I will leave her. Therefore, when I leave the house, even if I only go to the backyard, I have tell her and assure her I am coming back.

I work eight hours a day, so I have someone come into the house to care for Mom. This does not help the separation anxiety. Mom does not think she needs someone caring for her and a stranger coming into the house does not help. I need the job, so I do not have any other choice. When I am home I will continue to reassure Mom I am not leaving her. I will also continue to place the situation in God's hands.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Mom and Alzheimer’s disease

Jalál (Glory), 5 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Saturday, July 17, 2010 about 7:57 AM Pacific Time

Mom has Alzheimer's disease and someone has to stay with her while I am gone. This is especially true when I work outside the house. Mom is not happy about having someone stay with her, but there is nothing else I can do because for the next two or three weeks I work eight hours a day and seven days a week.

This schedule does not leave me very much time to do much writing. Mom always has housework plans, but she never gets around to doing anything. I am not sure why, but I think it may have something to do with the Alzheimer's disease. Part of the problem is Mom's short-term memory issues, she forgets what she wants today or looses her glasses or something else. When Mom misplaces items she spend the day looking for them.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Good morning from Las Vegas

Istiqlál (Independence), 4 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Friday, July 16, 2010 about 7:38 AM Pacific Time

It is a good morning. At least, I think it is a good morning. I am going to pretend it is a good morning because otherwise I get too stressed.

I have to drop off a prescription when the store opens. I will pick the meds up tomorrow morning. For the next seven days, I work from 11:30 AM to 8:00 PM. I think this schedule will last for about two or three weeks. I had the opportunity to work from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM, but I cannot handle a 16-hour day. In addition, I cannot leave Mom alone for long periods of time.

Mom can stay by herself for an hour or two, but eight hours is too long. I have a professional caregiver coming to the house from 11:00 AM to 8:30 PM, which is all I can afford with the grants I received. This coming Tuesday is the last day I will have money from the grants, so next Wednesday I am going to have to figure out something else.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Working for 55 hours

Istijlál (Majesty), 3 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Thursday, July 15, 2010 about 3:40 PM Pacific Time

I am going to be working for 55 hours for the next week or two, perhaps the next three week. My schedule is from 11:30 AM to 8:00 PM, I am not sure what I am going to do about Mom after Tuesday, but I will figure that out by Tuesday, July 20. I received two grants that will cover Mom’s care Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. After Tuesday, I have to pay the caregiver out of pocket. I am not sure how I will do that at this time because the cost for five days is $1,045.

I have committed to work seven days a week for the next two or three weeks. I have no idea how I will pay for someone to stay with Mom after this coming Tuesday, but I will figure out a way. I did have the opportunity to work 16 hours for the next week or so; however, working a 16-hour day is physically stressful for me. I can handle an 8-hour day and a 56-hour week without difficulty. I still have to figure out how I am going to get someone to stay with Mom after this coming Tuesday.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Mom wants to do housework

‘Idál (Justice), 2 Kalimát (Words), 167 BE – Wednesday, July 14, 2010 about 12:52 Pacific Time

Mom wants to do housework. Mom loves doing housework. I would like to see her doing it again. Mom just does not seem to have the will to get up off the couch and do housework. In November 2009, Mom's doctor diagnosed her with Alzheimer's disease and put her on medication. However, Mom does not appear to have the will to do anything except plan the work she wants to do tomorrow.

Mom was crying a lot, but the doctor prescribed an antidepressant. She does not cry as often; however, she still does not initiate the work she plans to do "tomorrow". Mom did the dishes today, but only after, I began the process. Sometimes Mom remembers to change one or two of the cat litter pans. At times, Mom thinks she cleaned the cat litter pans when she forgot to change them.

Usually mornings, are difficult for Mom, but today this afternoon is the difficult time. Perhaps it is because it is because I have someone come in and stay with her when I am out of the house. I work five days a week from 11:30 AM to 8:00 PM, it is expensive but it is necessary. I just pray the grants last until I complete this temporary job completed because I could not afford to have someone stay with Mom if I had to pay for it myself.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Simplifying my life

Kamál (Perfection), 19 Rahmat (Mercy), 167 BE – Monday, July 12, 2010 about 5:56 AM Pacific Time

I have a temporary job. I work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I work forty hours a week and the job will last two or three weeks and perhaps more. I enjoy gong to work, Mom is not happy about someone coming into the house and staying with her while I am gone, but I have no choice.

I am, sometimes, amazed at the way God works. I received some grants to assist with Mom's care before this job came along. These grants let me get someone to take care of Mom, so that I can work knowing someone is with Mom. The extra money from the job will come in handy. Mom and I still have debts to pay. In addition, the car needs a few repairs.

I have to simplify. I cannot do everything, so I have decided to drop some of the survey panel in which I participate. I plan to begin the process on Wednesday or Thursday. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday morning and I may have to take the car to the shop on Wednesday. I also have to go to the grocery store; however, since I do not have a working air conditioner, I may have to do that in the evening or a night.

Friday, July 09, 2010

A cloudy evening in Las Vegas

Istiqlál (Independence), 16 Rahmat (Mercy), 167 BE – Friday, July 9, 2010 about 7:17 PM Pacific Time

It's the monsoon season in Las Vegas. Clouds are gathering causing the humidity to rise and threatening rain. I don't think it will rain this evening, but just to be on the safe side, I rolled up windows in my car.

It's a good thing I went to the car because Mom left her purse on the floor in the front seat. I thought she brought her purse in the house when we returned home. Mom has a short-term memory problem, she forgets things and she gets distracted easily.

There isn't any use telling Mom she left the purse in the car. It would only make her angry. I'll see if I can slip it into her bedroom and put it in the closet. This is the first time Mom has left her purse in the car, unfortunately, it probably won't be the last. I'll just have to notice if she picks her purse up when she gets out of the car.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Dealing with modern technology

‘Idál (Justice), 14 Rahmat (Mercy), 167 BE – Wednesday, July 7, 2010 about 12:34 PM Pacific Time

I am not sure what is causing the problem, I just know there is a problem. My computer is running slow, the CPU periodically runs at 100%, and today I encountered a stack overload. In addition, my printer still is not working. I have decided that a new printer will settle the printer issues. A new computer could take care of the computer problems.

Now that I stated one way to solve the problem, I have to find a more economical and feasible solution. Other issues in my life take priority over technology problems. Therefore, I may have to call a computer tech in to do maintenance. I have attempted to diagnose the problem, maybe I need to clean up the hard drive before I do anything else.

Monday, July 05, 2010

A Happy Fourth of July

Kamál (Perfection), 12 Rahmat (Mercy), 167 BE – Monday, July 5, 2010 about 10:41 AM Pacific Time

Mom and I had a happy Fourth of July!

We stayed home all day on the Fourth. We ate hot dogs on buns with yellow mustard and sweet relish. On Sunday evening, I cut a small seedless watermelon in half for us to eat. Mom enjoyed the watermelon, so I am going to buy another one for us.

I still have to get some foods that Mom can fix for herself. All though, I should say will fix for herself because there is a difference. We have plenty of food in the house, it is just that Mom will not fix anything other then peanut butter sandwiches or cold cereal.

Mom liked the hot dogs we had yesterday. She put mustard on one bun and peanut butter on another. Mom seemed to like the hot dog and peanut butter on a bun. Mom needs to gain weight, so as long as she eats the food I do not care how she combines it. I know some of the food she combines sounds a bit odd, but Mom is the one eating the combinations.

I heated the hot dogs in the fry pan yesterday. I also placed the buns on the plates, but Mom fixed the rest for herself. If I cook something, Mom does the rest for herself; she just will not cook or open a can. I am not sure why she does not want to cook anymore. I suspect some of Mom's actions have to do with Alzheimer' disease.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Hot Dogs and Watermelon on the Fourth of July

Jamál (Beauty), 11 Rahmat (Mercy), 167 BE – Sunday, July 4, 2010 about 2:58 PM Pacific Time

All beef hot dogs on
A hot dog bun with sweet
Relish and mustard

Mom and I did not have a picnic outdoors today, we had the hot dogs for breakfast this morning. Mom ate two hot dogs and drank a couple of cups of coffee. This afternoon she at a hamburger sandwich with a cold can of soda. I still have the watermelon in the fridge, I will cut it this evening.

Cold watermelon
Waits in the fridge for supper
And a cold soda

Saturday, July 03, 2010

My Mother ate my bagel

Jalál (Glory), 10 Rahmat (Mercy), 167 BE – Saturday, July 3, 2010 about 2:11 PM Pacific Time

My Mother at my bagel, which is not as funny as it may sound or perhaps it is. It is my own fault for leaving my bagel unguarded. Mom has Alzheimer’s disease, so her short-term memory is not good. I fixed us bagels for breakfast; I put peanut butter on her bagel and margarine on mine. I then served Mom her breakfast, before going into another room without my bagel. When I returned to the kitchen Mom had picked up my bagel thinking, it belonged to her.

It is not a good idea to inform an Alzheimer’s sufferer that the bagel she just picked up is not her breakfast. The best response is to take a deep breath and fix something else to eat. I am not sure what I had for breakfast, probably some leftovers. I did learn one thing though and that is to take my food with me when I leave the kitchen.

The bagel is no big deal; however, cereal could be a problem. Mom is on a low fiber diet and I am on a high fiber diet. Mom cannot have cereal with more then two grams of dietary fiber and my cereal has over six grams. As you can imagine, if Mom ate my cereal it could cause some messy issues.

Friday, July 02, 2010

The Car is in the Shop

Istiqlál (Independence), 9 Rahmat (Mercy), 167 BE – Friday, July 2, 2010 about 9:06 AM Pacific Time

My car is in the shop waiting for a part. I am at home trying to decide whether to call a cab or take the bus. I have to go across town to pick up the car. Yesterday, I called a cab to take me home; however, that was not an economical decision. That does not mean a bad decision because of other factors.

Yesterday afternoon, when I came home from the garage, the temperatures were in the triple digits. I am not in good physical condition and I just could not face changing buses twice and then walking seven or eight blocks home in the heat. Sometime considering economical factors make poor decisions, sometimes physical and health factor out weigh economical factors.

Today, about 10:00 AM, is the scheduled parts deliver. The car will be ready about 12:00 PM, now I have to decide whether to call a cab or take a bus. The bus is the more economical of the two, but it may not be the best decision. I have no one to stay with Mom today while I pick up the car, so I have to either take Mom with me or find a quicker way to get to the garage.

It takes about two hours, with one scheduled transfer, to get across town on the bus. I taking a cab to the garage means I spend less time away from Mom and the house. Mom is in no condition to walk to the bus or to spend that much time in the afternoon temperatures waiting for the bus.

If I take a cab, theoretically Mom can go with me. I say theoretically because getting Mom ready to go will take about an hour and a half, if Mom wants to go with me. I she does not want to go, it will take at least twice as long. From the way Mom has been acting this morning, I suspect she does not want to leave the house.

Then there is my physical health, I will have to go this afternoon when the temperatures are in the triple digits. I will have to walk about seven or so blocks to the bus stop. I will have to wait for the bus in the heat and make one change where I will have to wait for another bus. The cab ride is looking better all the time.