Sunday, October 30, 2005

Sunday Services

16 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 30-31, 2005 A.D.

I went to Sunday Services at the Baha'i Center in Las Vegas today. The service was beautiful, the reading were awe inspiring and the feeling was spiritual. This is the first Sunday that the Las Vegas Baha'i Choir sang at the Sunday Services. The choir was exquisite. You could feel the spirituality when they sang. The songs the choir intoned complimented the readings from the scriptures.

The services at the center are always spiritual, but today's services had a different feeling then usual. There is something special about having a live choir perform rather than a CD of uplifting music. A live choir adds something special to the services. I have always like gospel and spiritual music above other types of music.

As the voices of the choir ascended my spirit ascended
My soul responded to the music by singing the glory of God
Music is the tongue of the human soul
The voice of the spirit

I am not sure precisely what else I am going to say in this poem about the choir. I am not even sure just yet what I am going to call this poem - Sunday Services. I do not think that is going to be the final name of the poem, but it is alright as a working title.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Scent of Memory

14 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 28-29, 2005

It's amazing what a scent can bring to mind. I find that even the subtlest scent brings back memories of my Grandparent. My Grandmother didn't dry her cloths in an electric or even a gas dryer. When she did the washing she would hang the wet cloths out and let them dry in the sun. What brought this memory back was the scent of the dryer sheets that we use. For some reason the scent of the fabric softener sheets we use reminds me of wash days at my Grandparents.

When my Grandmother did the laundry, my Grandfather would carry the cloths basket the wet cloths were in out to the line. After the he carried the cloths basket to the line, my Grandmother would hang the cloths on the line. While my Grandmother was hanging out the cloths my Grandfather would do other stuff around the house, but he always carried the basket of wet cloths to the line for my Grandmother. My Grandmother would hang the cloths out and then she would do another load of washing.

After my Grandfather retired the wash day ritual was always the same. My Grandmother would do the washing and my Grandfather would carry the cloths to the line for her. I remember that the washing machine was in a room toward the back of their house. I think he added the room to the house himself.

My Grandparents contributed a great deal to the way I feel about myself and the world around me. I always enjoyed being with my Grandparents and the memories I have of them usually return quite vividly when aroused by a scent.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Rain in the Desert

10 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 24 - 25, 2005 A.D.

Rain in the desert is always welcome. Even though it floods in Las Vegas when it rains, there are still some of us who welcome the rain and look forward to it. There was a story or tradition I once heard that angels carry each drop of rain to earth. I think this is a wonderful concept. I can just imagine the angels carrying each drop to earth and placing it in the desert. There must be a angels needed carry raindrops to earth. It didn't rain very long and the rain that did fall is drying up, but the time it did rain the wind blew and carried the scent of the rain across the city.

I wonder what type of angels carry raindrops to earth. Are there special angels that have only one job and that job is to carry raindrops to earth? Does each different part of the world have different angels that work in that part carrying raindrops to earth? What do the angels that carry raindrops to earth do when its not raining? Perhaps it is always raining someplace in the world and the angels go where they are needed.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

My Inner Critic

8 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 22-23, 2005 A.D.

Why is it that I listen to my inner critic, when I know that his opinion is not valid. Why do I refer to my inner critic as he. I am a woman, true I have had some very bad experiences with men, but not all men are louses. Some men are quite nice and show respect for a woman’s hopes and dreams. However, I still refer to my inner critic as he. I suppose a psychologist could make something of this, but at this point, I don’t want to be psychoanalyzed or even psychoanalyze myself. I am just trying to find a way to overcome or drown out my inner critic.

My inner critic always looks on the negative side of things. He tells me my writing is no good and that I have no talent. This is not the way a writer needs to look at her work. I know how I feel when I listen to my inner critic - I fee depressed. At this moment, while I am writing this, I can hear my inner critic telling me “This is stupid.” or “You’re not really writing this are you.” When I write the voice of my inner critic is distant and almost drowned out by my writing.

What I am say is that my inner critic doesn’t seem to be a problem when I am writing. He (my inner critic) is a problem before I start to write. He tells me, “You can’t think of anything to write.” or “This is stupid.” The last statement is the one he uses most, I hear “This is stupid.” a lot from my inner critic.

Going back to finding a way to overcome the voice of my inner critic there is an article in the November 2005 issue of Writer’s Digest concerning the inner critic. The article is by Jacquelyn B. Fletcher and is called Squelch Your Inner Censor and gives several suggestions on silencing the inner critic. I think I will try some of them and see how it works. Of course not every method is going to work for every writer, but there has to be one method that will work for me.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Love's Enigma

7 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 21-22, 2005 A.D.

Love's Enigma is going to be a poem. I'm at the brain storming part of the poem, so I'm going to use this blog to brain storm this poem today. I got the idea while reading a poem that defined love. That poem was by someone in one of the groups I belong to. The poem was beautiful and visual. However, I want Love's Enigma to be a bit different from that poem. So I am going to start writing and see what I come up with.

Brain Storming Love's Enigma

What mystery is this that come in the silent morning,
A voice whispering across eaons of desire.

Why does the riddle of memories scattered across
The sands of forgotten beaches haunt my midnight dreams.

When will the puzzle of your parting words fit
Into a coherent picture that makes sense.

Where will I find you waiting for me
I have looked into the face of fire and can not see you.

Who remembers you besides me
I have spoken your name to the wind
And it echoes it back to me.

How do I recognize you in you new form
I remember you as you were when love was new
And we were the only ones in the garden.

Now there are others walking the paths that we walked
I cannot see you, but you are reflected in their eyes.

Every where I look I see the reflection of your face
Every where I walk I hear the echoes of your steps
Reverberating across the beach of my desire.

Love, Beloved, Lover all become one in the dawn
The sun and the stars orbit the galactic center of your memory.

I am the planet waiting and you are the star of my longing.
Love, Beloved, Lover are only words when compared with the memory
Of our last meeting.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Intriguing Words

6 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 20-21, 2005 A.D.

I subscribe to two daily newsletters that send me a new word each day. One of them is Doctor Dictionary and it comes from dictionary.com. The other is Wordsmiths and its e-mail address is linuaphile@wordsmith.org. Each of these newsletters sends me a new word along with the meaning of the word. The wordsmith’s newsletter usually gives a bit of history or interesting facts about the word. Both newsletters give quotes in which the word us used and the pronunciation of the word. I usually save them until I can use the word in a story, poem, or essay.

I have gotten some intriguing words from each newsletter. Following are some words from each of the newsletters. (1) Pelf, which has to do with money and suggest the concept of ill gotten. This was one of the doctor Dictionary words. (2) Heterography, derived from a Greek word, this word, refers to word spelled different from the modern spelling or a letter that suggest a different sound. This was one of the Wordsmith words.

I haven’t yet found a place to use some of the words. Some of them I can use in the novel I’m writing in November. I can use some words in description of characters and setting. I can use some for describing or naming the career of minor or main characters. I may try using some of the words in the names of characters. A few of the words would be good to give as names of minor characters, especially if I don’t want to go into a detailed description but want the reader to get information about the characteristics of the character.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Reading a Prayer Revealed by Baha'u'llah

6 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 20 -21, 2005 A.D.

I was feeling a bit low
looking for something to lift my spirits
to make my soul and mind happy.

I opened my prayer book
and turned a page
I had often turned to before,
there the prayer I have often read,
a prayer I have often said before.

As I read it over again -
"Dispel my grief ..."
the words spoke directly to me
and scattered my sadness
I could feel the bounty of God
descending and scattering the clouds
that hid the sun of faith and love.

I felt the holy spirit
come into my life,
I felt the joy of a new day
but outside Earth's night was here.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The Spiral Galaxy NGC 1097

3 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 17-18, 2005 A.D.

I subscribe to an e-mail newsletter from science.com. This newsletter has an image of the day which show a different photo. One of the images of the day was NGC 1097
(http://www.space.com/imageoftheday/image_of_day_051018.html). I was looking at this image and reading the information about it. At the center of this spiral galaxy is a massive black hole. When you look at the picture of the galaxy you see the center as bright and beautiful. You do not see the black hole. The black hole is hidden beneath the light of stars being pulled into the black hole. As I was looking at the picture, I realized that it answered a question. The question is answered was "What can hide night but a deeper darkness?" As I was looking at the picture of NGC 1097 I realized that what conceals night is not a deeper darkness but light.

Indeed if we did not know light we would not know darkness or night. The only way we can actually experience night or darkness is by comparing it with light. It is amazing what looking at a simple photo will do. You can meditation and any item and find some type of enlightenment. Well those are my thoughts for today.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Novel Writing Month

2 'Ilm 162 B.E. October 16-17, 2005

November is national novel writing month. The website (http://www.nanowrimo.org/) is having a contest. The challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. I signed up to write a novel during the month of November. The novel I am going to write is a science fiction novel.

I always wanted to write a novel. I'm not sure why, but I've always wanted to write one. I encountered this web site last year and thought it was interesting. I was tempted to take the challenge then, but I let my inner critic stop me. This year is different. I have decided to do decided to do what I've always wanted to do and never did. So I took the challenge this year and signed up to write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. Just for the record that means I need to write about 1,667 words a day.

The butterfly is coming out of her cocoon. I am still having problems with my inner critic. However, when I decide what I am going to do and just do it the inner critic or the voice of doubt goes away, at least for a littler while.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Didjeridoo

15 Mashiyyat 162 B.E. October 10-11, 2005 A.D.

There is a poet in Las Vegas who plays a didjeridoo. At one of the open mics (the one on Sunday night) he brings the didjeridoo and plays it. I heard if first a couple of weeks ago and I've been contemplating a poem about it since then. So far I've gotten only a few words. I'm still brain storming the poem.

Didjeridoo

nature's music
bird calls
my soul responds
its melody summons me out of civilization's comic opera
I want to roam the wilderness without modern vehicles
I want to walk from water hole to water hole with the Beloved
alone with God

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Drinking of Cool, Clear Water

12 Mashiyyat 162 B.E. October 7-8, 2005 A.D.

Reading Prayers And Meditations by Baha'u'llah and translated by Shoghi Effendi is like a sip of cool clear water. My spirit is invigorated and refreshed. The words of the prayers focus my attention on the blessing of God. I am taken out of myself by the word of God. When I read these prayers either out loud or quietly to myself I feel the Holy Spirit flowing through the words.

When I pray I could say my own words, but I get a different feeling when I read the words revealed by Baha'u'llah. In addition, when I read the words of Baha'u'llah I am inspired to write on a different level than when the inspiration come from other sources. The prayers also inspire me to work toward transformation.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Coffee Does Not Keep Me Awake

11 Mashiyyat 162 B.E. October 6-7, 2005 A.D.

Coffee doesn't keep me awake. No matter how late I drink it I can still go to sleep. What does keep me awake is my creativity. If I am working on a story or a poem I can't go to sleep. There are other things that keep me awake, but those are minor. I have one time during the month that no matter what I can't sleep. I just lay there looking at the darkness. No matter how boring looking at darkness is it doesn't put me to sleep. In fact when I can't sleep nothing will put me to sleep. I can read or play online games and I still won't get sleepy. At those time I have to close my eyes and pretend I am asleep, that doesn't let me sleep but I don't toss and turn so my body rests. I usually get up and work on a story or poem, but sometimes I come to a dead end and can't write any more so I have to lay down and pretend I am asleep. So maybe it isn't the creativity that keeps me awake after all. I am not sure what keeps me away when I can't sleep.

Coffee doesn't keep me awake. When I can't sleep I notice the night noises more. The night noises in Las Vegas are not much different from the night noises in any other city in the country. There are the normal noises a city makes. There are the normal noises a neighborhood makes. Both of these can be heard from my house. The one of the neighbors has a dog that barks most of the time at night, but that has become background noise. Barking dogs don't keep me awake either. There are also the normal noises that a house makes in the middle of the night, those don't keep me awake.

Coffee doesn't keep me awake. I am not sure what does keep me awake. Sometimes I just can't sleep no matter how hard I try. I can't blame my inability to sleep on anything. On the nights I can't sleep my mind seems to be flitting from one idea to the next. I try lots of things to get to sleep. I read, review the prayers and scriptures I've memorized, try memorizing scriptures, try writing poems, and a dozen other things. However, on nights I can't sleep it is because I just can't sleep. I have no reason for why.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Laughter God's Gift to Humanity

10 Mashiyyat 162 B.E. October 5-6, 2005 A.D.

I have come to realize that laughter is one of God's gifts to humanity. I have found, at least in my own life, that laughter helps me to look at life a bit more clearly. I sometimes have a tendency to be slightly depressed and when I laugh the depression goes away. I laugh at different things at different times, so precisely what makes me laugh is not always clear.

I also found in the past few months that I have had a tendency toward hysterical laughter. I define hysterical laughter as laughing at something that does not appear, and under ordinary conditions would not be, funny. An example is getting a power bill that tells you the power company is going to turn off your electricity in a few days. This particular incident happened to me several months ago. I picked the power bill up and starting laughing. OK, the idea of having your electricity turned off probably was not funny, but everything had been piling up and this was just one more thing. Instead of setting down and crying (which would probably be a normal reaction) I laughed.

Of course, with me, this reaction may not be unusual. Under normal condition I have a slightly off beat sense of humor. Lately I have been finding that if I laugh, especially at myself, my life goes better. That gives me two things that make life go better - prayer and laughter.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Morning in Las Vegas

9 Mashiyyat 162 B.E. October 4-5, 2005 A.D.

Looking out my front room window, I watch the wind blowing through the olive tree and stone pines in my yard. The sun rising over Frenchman's Mountain, also known as Sunrise Mountain, cast light on the trees. This time of year the morning sun high lights the leaves more than the bark of the trees. The rising sun turns the leaves silver and gold depending on the tree and the way the light is reflected.

The temperature is cool here this time of year, the last few days it has been between 75 degrees and 80 degrees in the house. This means that the central air does not come on, which is good. However, it does get a bit cold late at night and early of a morning. I am going to put a heavier blanket on the bed, do not want to turn the heat on yet.

Lately the process of transformation has been going smoothly. I guess that's how it works sometimes transformation moves at a swift pace, but most of the time it is slow. I am encountering writers' block on and off, which does not help much. I have found out something about myself though. When I am confronted with writers' block I want to play Free Cell and other computer games. This does not help the writer's block, the best thing for writers' block is to sat (or is it set) down and start writing. It does not matter what you write as long as you write.

I am taking a free online writing course, I have one more lesson to submit this week. So far I have submitted two lessons and a selection of my completed or uncompleted pieces. The responses to the lessons I have submitted have submitted have mostly been characters and work on stories I am working on. Although, one of the lessons called for responses that had nothing to do with anything I am working on. That is good because now I have ideas for other stories and essays I can write.

I think I am going to put a little more personal experience and memories into some of my stories. I find that I gravitate toward science fiction and fantasy rather than other types of stories. I am working on some personal essays, I am going to write one about an experience from childhood. This is a memory about my grandparent's and a mobile home they kept at a recreational area - Lake Blackwell - in Oklahoma. Well, I think that is all for today.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

October

4 Mashiyyat 162 B.E. September 30 - October 1, 2005

Well today is the first of October. So far it's been an interesting year. OK, maybe interesting is not the right word here, but it's the most positive word I can come up with. This month has a lot going on. There is 20th when I will be celebrating the Birth of the Bab. I am attempting to come up with a poem, but I want something different this year. I've written other poems about the Bab's birth, of of which was put to music. Then there is the Feast of 'Ilm on the evening of the 15th.

In the wider community of Las Vegas there is the 31st, Halloween to most of the country. In Nevada the 31st of November is Nevada Day. Yes, Nevada became a state on Halloween. Any way we have not decided what I am going to do that day, normally we go out - to a movie or something - until after 10:30 or 11 p.m. I think I'd like to do something different this year, but haven't decided what I want to do. Mom says she is happy with what ever we do. If we stay home we always get too much candy and there is candy left overe for a month at least.